My First Decluttering!

Well, it took me till I hit 20 weeks, but I finally started to do some decluttering this pregnancy! I wanted to start with a small project, since I still don't have my usual energy. So yesterday, I decided to tackle my computer desk. I spend quite some time every day on that desk, so it made sense to make it a nice place to be. Instead of a 'covered in papers and stuff' place :-) I spent a few hours on it, and it looks tons better now.

I know it's not much, but I am very happy about it. I found some software that had been lost for ages. Addresses and phone nrs to be added to my address list, which I did!!!! And then threw out the scraps of paper with the addresses. Instructions on how to register for the Dutch voting registry, which I did not just put somewhere else. Instead, I wrote the letter, and then threw away the instructions!!!!

And today, I did another desk, but there was much less stuff to organize on it. Most of it was papers which could be thrown away, so that was easy. It's the desk next to my computer desk, so that it looks like the neatness is spreading. Some day I am going to be organized! But for now, I am just going to enjoy one tiny decluttered spot in my house! LOL

I have been thinking back to last year New Year's Eve. I had just found out that my baby had died, and that a miscarriage would be inevitable. I hadn't started miscarrying yet, but was very much dealing with the emotional part of the loss. I remember that I bought a bottle of champagne, since now I didn't have to be careful for the baby anymore. It was my way of dealing with the loss and the anger and the sadness. If I couldn't have the baby, at least I could have some booze! I usually drink wine about once every one or two years, so I didn't need much champagne to make me feel all warm and glowing. But at the same time there was this huge hole in me, where my baby should have been.

And here I am, one year later, pregnant yet again, hopefully with a keeper this time. But I still miss my lost babies, mourning them, even while being happy with the new baby growing inside of me. What a mixture of emotions! If only one of them had lived, this current baby would not be here. Hard to imagine.

It's New Year's Eve, and I made a ton of oliebollen, and pineapple fritters. The oliebollen are a traditional Dutch New Year's Eve treat. It is a kind of deep fried raisin bread dough. Very yummy! Making them reminds me of my father. He always used to make buckets full of them, and everybody who visited us had to eat some and to take some home. We would have oliebollen for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for days and days after New Year. He passed away last year, but his memory lives in the oliebollen that I made today, and the stories I told my kids about him.

Gingerbread House

One of our yearly traditions is to assemble a gingerbread house a few days after Christmas. The kids do all the decorating, tons of fun! But the best part comes on New Year's Day, when they actually get to SMASH the gingerbread house. I hand them a hammer and let them go for it. This seems to be their favorite part of the whole project, I wonder why LOL

It's amazing how, every single year, I manage to put the house together totally wrong. Some people would learn, but somehow I don't LOL. I guess I should do it more often. I always end up yelling for Sander to help me keep something up before it all falls apart. And then eventually just taking it all apart and putting it together the right way after all. Muttering all kinds of choice words in the process. That's why I tend to do this part after the kids are in bed :-)

I didn't dare to breathe for the first hour or so after I assembled the house. Everytime I walked into the kitchen, I was sure I would be greeted by the ruins of my gingerbread house. But to my utter amazement, it stayed intact!

Had another King Arthur Flour class this week, named Razzle Dazzle New Year's Eve Desserts. It was fun! Now I even know how to make chocate pastries shaped like champagne corks :-) A very important skill, right? :-)

I am pretty sure I am feeling some kicks now, but still not totally confident. I mean, for all I know this can just be some very active gas, right? How could it be the baby after all those losses, it is almost unimaginable that this one could be working out. But maybe this one is!

I got 2 big bags full of nursing clothes from a friend today. Wow! Lots of Motherwear and other good brands. Looking forward to wearing them for this new baby. Even a few dresses, which made my girls happy, since I don't wear them very often. I guess they are looking forward to seeing me dress more 'girly' too LOL The best thing is that all of those clothes actually fit me! Amazing!

Yesterday I was very tired, spent part of the day in bed with a good book. But today, I actually had energy to do some things, baked bread, decluttered some, and took Kate to the opthomatologist. It was just a checkup. Everything was ok, so she doesn't have to come back till she is 6 years old.

Christmas

Well, this sure was a memorable Solstice and Christmas. All three girls had chicken pox, and Tara spent half a day throwing up on top of that. Jane only threw up a few times that day. But she developed cellulitis on her leg. And Kate seemed to be recovering, but yesterday she was back to being totally miserable. She worsened enough that I took her into the dr, who diagnosed an ear infection on top of the chicken pox.... She never has ear infections, so I guess her immune system must be having a hard time keeping up with all the sickness. She keeps crying, wants to be held, and then screams because when you hold her, her pox hurt :-( :-( Poor little one!

Now the antibiotics is giving her stomach aches and diarrhea, so that doesn't help either. And Erik's intestines must still be messed up too, he was on antibiotics for the impetigo a few weeks ago. About an hour ago, he pooped all over the bath room floor, and then came over to the kitchen to tell me about it, spreading the poop all over the hallway too...

But the good news is that I got a new digital camera for Christmas!!! Love love love it!!! It's a 4.0 megapixel, with a nice zoom lens. Quite an improvement on the 'old' 1.2 megapixel I have been using up till now. Have been playing around with it, but not found all the features yet. And I have noticed that when I sit down to take pictures of birds in my back yard, they all decided that on second thought they didn't really want to be here... So I spent a lot of time sitting in front of the window, staring at nothing. When I get up and do something, they will be back of course LOL. Made a nice picture of a red squirrel though, using my zoom lens, you can almost see her individual hairs in her tail in the full size picture.

I got some nice books too, including one on investing. Now I want to stop paying off my mortgage, and use the money to buy stock instead. Ok, ok, I can dream right? I think I'll pay off the mortgage first anyway :-) We just did a refinance and will pay a lot less interest now, so I can pay off even more of the principal each month. We should be totally mortgage free about four to five years! So for now I'll just dream about investing and practice on paper. But by then, I will have money to spare to actually do it!!

Another good present was the chocolate!!! High quality chocolate, which is my down fall LOL. At least at this point I can blame the pregnancy for gaining weight :-) Talking about the pregnancy, I have been feeling some things that could be kicks. But I have convinced myself that it can't be true, somehow I am still too unbelieving to be able to accept this as real kicks. I keep telling myself that I must be imagining things, and the dream where I had my prenatal without a heartbeat keeps coming back to me. Feeling kicks is just too good to be true. On the other hand, my uterus sure is growing, but even that hasn't convinced me yet. So I will still welcome any kicking vibes any one has to spare!!!

Pox Party

We always celebrate the winter solstice, but it looks like sickness is going to be a regular partner in our celebration. Last year, we had the Puke Party. Quoting from an email I wrote 'Our Party started off by Kate puking five times in our bed in the very early morning hours. Next night it was Jane's turn, another few hours of early morning puking, including some blood. It detoriated from there...

Erik's first episode was when he wanted to be picked up and puked all over himself, me and the kitchen floor. Tara's first episode was while sitting on the toilet, she even managed to hit the walls...

I lost count somewhere, but we must have had at least 80 vomiting episodes on the solstice. Most of them hit bowls or towels, but of course not all of them...

I thought we were over the worst, but Monday morning at 5am we got woken up by crying from the girls room. Tara had puked all over herself, Jane, the bed, and other stuff... And it had a nice black color from the cake frosting on the solstice cake... (it was yellow/blue/black, but black clearly was dominant after a night inside her stomach...)

Erik still was vomiting this morning. And a few hours later he complained about wet feet. Turned out he had dhiarrea dripping out of his pants...

We got hit by 2 feet of snow last night, so today has mostly been spent shoveling snow, poop, and puke... Happy holidays LOL At least nobody threw up on Christmas day, we just dealt with diarrhea.

That sure was a solstice to remember, but luckily I knew that this would be a one time occurrence... Looks like I was wrong! Although, technically, chicken pox is another sickness I guess. And at least it's less messy than the puking was. But still, it's a bummer to have sick kids during the holidays, they will for sure miss the fun spirit training at karate this week.

Cees and Tim are the only two who have had chicken pox. Tara and Jane are having it now, and I am wondering whether Kate is coming down with it or not. It's hard to tell with her eczema. And we have been wondering whether Erik's impetigo maybe really was chicken pox after all? Somehow I am not convinced of that, but I guess we'll see whether he comes down with chicken pox or not, either now, or two weeks from now.

I did get my last xmas shopping done today! Both the presents and the grocery shopping! I am so organized! LOL Now I just need to wrap 5,000 presents and I will be all finished! (ok, maybe a few less, but that's how it feels right now :-) We went for a lot of consumables, paint, paper, notebooks, craft supplies, quite some family gifts (gymnastics stuff, dvds, nintendo games, etc) and of course lego, books, and a few other presents for each kid. I got a barbie video camera really cheap last year after christmas, which will be the big gift for the girls and Erik.

For the solstice, I'll bake a solstice cake and we'll make a solstice fire in the fire place. Roasting marshmallows, and making s'mores. I hope the girls will feel up to it!

EIGHTEEN Weeks!

And still waiting! Geez, I wish this baby would start kicking. NOW!!! Actually, yesterday would be even better! LOL It's amazing how anxious I am to feel the first movements of this little one. I don't think I have ever been this impatient with any of my others. I guess the miscarriages really did shake my basic body confidence, and I have a hard time believing that this one actually could work out. My belly is growing though, as is my uterus, so that should be a good sign. But I can't get the dream of the first prenatal without heartbeat out of my head.

At least the weather has been 'cooperating' by keeping me plenty busy shoveling snow. And more snow. And whacking ice. And shoveling even more snow. We must have gotten more than three feet already and it is not even winter yet!!!! At least the kids are enjoying it. They are spending lots of time sledding. We got a big sled that fits four of them together, and they have gotten so much use out of it already!

I have an amaryllis and a bunch of paper white narcissus blooming in my window sill. It helps with the winter gloom, but I have to admit that I rather would be gardening outside than inside! LOL This is the time of the year that I always think we should move down south, but then during the summer I am so glad we didn't! :-) And I hate moving anyway, after the Moving Year From Hell a while ago, so I better get used to New England winters :-)

I am still waiting for that second trimester energy surge. My house sure does need it. But it hasn't happened yet, although I do think that I am a tad less exhausted than I was before. But not enough yet to actually get things done! I did send out a lot of Christmas cards though, which I hadn't been doing for years, so I feel pretty good about that!

The swimming hasn't happened this week, on Tuesday I plainly overslept. The training is such an awful early time in the morning! I woke up five minutes after it started, so decided to just go back to sleep LOL That was after spending most of Monday snow shoveling though, so I wasn't worried about not getting exercise :-) I think my body just needed the rest after all the shoveling. On Thursday we had an ice layer covered with a few inches snow on our driveway, and somehow I didn't want to deal with that early in the morning. So had to miss that one too :( Oh well, there's always next week :-)

Waiting Impatiently!

Still no kicks, still waiting, still wondering, I wish this baby would make his presence known a bit more!!! I am 17.5 weeks now, so it should be soon. I just wish it had happened already, I am anxiously awaiting those first kicks! The waiting is nerve wracking.

Luckily there are lots of things to keep me busy while waiting. We got our first major snow storm last weekend, dumping almost two feet of snow on us, sigh. We have a pretty challenging driveway, and no snowblower, so we spent a lot of time snow shoveling. A few hours on Saturday, and then the whole morning on Sunday. Well, at least I didn't have to swim or walk to keep in shape :-)

On Tuesday I went swimming again early in the morning, the master's swim team, pretty intense, but a very good workout. I am glad I signed up for this. Now if only I wasn't the slowest in the whole team :-) Well, I guess at least there's a lot of room for improvement!! LOL

I had to take Erik in to the doctor this week, he had a weird rash. Turned out to be impetigo, so he is on oral antibiotics now. Blech! At least it does seeem to be clearing up. It looked enough like chicken pox, that the nurse freaked out when she saw us. I didn't think it was chickenpox, but she clearly was not convinced :-)

Friday was wall climbing day. Our homeschool group got permission to use a climbing wall in a local school. The four older kids all attempted to climb this wall. Cees was the only one who made it to the top, but they all did have fun. And it's good gross motor activity now that it's so cold outside. Although sledding stays fun, they just can't do it for too long before coming in frozen solid :-)

This weekend was chocolate class at the King Arthur Flour Baking Education. It was with Lora Brody, and she is an excellent teacher. She has a wicked sense of humor. We made tons of chocolatey goodies, I think I will have gained a lot of weight at my next prenatal :-) The chocolate playdough was the biggest hit with my kids. Although they enjoyed the chocolate pecan torte with espresso glaze too :-)

Now we are not looking forward to yet another snow storm, supposed to start tomorrow night. I am so ready for spring!!! But I guess that's another thing that I will have to wait for :-) And hopefully the first kicks at least will be here a long time before spring!

First Prenatal!!!!

I know it's a bit late for a first prenatal at 16 weeks, but I just was not ready before this! Not even sure whether I was ready now, but I figured it was about time to go in :-) We talked a lot about my birthing options, she will need my surgery records to see how extensive the damage to my uterus is. From the way things went during the surgery, I don't think it can be too bad, but we hope to find out more when we see my records. The ob said that she was chipping away at the fibroid, and then she perforated the uterus (this was during a hysteroscopic procedure). She tried to repair it via a laparoscopy, but that didn't work. So she ended up doing a myomectomy, where she just cut me open to get the damage repaired.

She told me that the fibroid wasn't very big, it just was in a very awkward place. All this makes me hope that the scar can't be too big either, but I guess we'll see.

When the midwife has the records, she'll talk to the obs she usually works with and see what they think of it, and what my options are. She did not expect them to be supportive of homebirth under those circumstances, but that was not really a surprise to me. She is hoping that they might 'approve' me for birthing at the hospital they are practicing, which would be a much better choice for me than our local teaching hospital. I trust those obs a lot more than I would trust a ob on call at our local hospital, since they had homebirths themselves. I used them as backup for my last four homebirths, and always have been happy with them. Not that I really needed them, since I had uncomplicated homebirths, but it was nice to know that there were good, trustworthy obs that I could transfer to if I ever did run into a complication during birth. I also have heard a lot of good things about the hospital/birthing center where they practice, more than about our local teaching hospital. So I hope this will be an option for me. Although I have to admit that I really just want to have this miracle baby at home!

My uterus measured 15.5cm, which is right on track for my 16 weeks pg. She said she wants to see it within 2 cm, which this definitely is. But can I confess that I really had preferred it to be 16cm or 16.5cm? LOL I am just too picky! Or too prone to worrying during this pregnancy.

We tried to figure out when I felt movement with the other pregnancies, and it seems to be somewhere between 17 to 19 weeks, so it should be soon now. I just wish it would start already, I don't think I will really relax till I feel this little one kick!

Blood pressure and weight were perfect, and she took blood for prenatal labwork. We didn't listen for the heartbeat yet, since it's too early for the fetoscope, and I don't really want to use the doppler. But next appt, we should be able to hear the heartbeat. By then, I should feel kicking already too, so I won't really need that reassurance anymore, but it still will be neat.

We are preparing for Sinterklaas tonight. I am making borstplaat, a traditional, Dutch, Sinterklaascandy. It's pretty easy to make, but I still have managed to mess it up a few times over the last few weeks LOL. Today's is a caramelly variant, going to try to make a white one and a brown (chocolate) one later. Here's the recipe for borstplaat if any one wants to try it.

Borstplaat

Ingredients

- 2 Tbsp water
- 5 Tbsp heavy cream
- 250 g sugar (about 1 1/8 cups, so a bit more than a cup)

Combine ingredients in saucepan, bring to a boil, stirring almost continuously. Once it boils, let it boil for about 6 minutes (on medium low), keep stirring. Check the temp, I have found that 210 F seems to be the optimal temp, but I have to admit that I am not an expert yet either :-) But I have had the best results with this temp. Take the pan off the heat, and keep stirring, stirring, till it gets thicker, thick enough that it gets harder to stir, and that it starts keeping its shape when you take a few drops and drop them on top of the rest. Now pour it into greased molds, or just on some wax paper in a 8x8 inch baking dish. It won't cover the whole bottom, if it does, most likely it wasn't thick enough yet (in that case, don't panic, it's still edible, just will be a bit too crumbly). Let it cool down in a spot where the bottom gets air too, I usually put mine on a cookie rack. After a while (15 mins or more) you can take out the wax paper and borstplaat carefully,and put it on the cookie rack, so it will cool down faster. When it has cooled down, remover the wax paper, and break the borstplaat in small pieces. Enjoy!!!

If you want brown borstplaat, add 2 Tbsp of cocoa to the saucepan when you combine the ingredients. The brown will taste more chocolatey, the white tastes more creamy.

Swimming

I have really been enjoying our health club membership. Even more so than the kids I think :-) Went swimming again on Sunday, lap swimming, and easily did 40 lengths this time. Well, I had to rest a few times, but it went much easier than the week before. So either I am in better condition already, or my swimming technique is coming back to me :-)

Encouraged by that, I decided to join the 'Master's Swim Team'. It sounded good, just a nice, workout type of training. They said something like it didn't matter how good you are, as long as you can swim 2 or 3 laps you are ok. Wow, it was a bit more challenging than that! LOL Tons of swimming, timing, counting strokes, learning all kinds of drills with flippers. Totally exhausts me, but so much fun! And I feel more energetic during the rest of the day, just not during the training LOL. Today we did a lot of 50m series, with all kinds of mathematical formulas about how many strokes and how long to rest. She timed me and said I usually made a time of between 1:00 and 1:05 minutes, so I guess now I need to work on improving that. At the end we had to go FAST, and I managed them between 51 and 53 seconds! Woohoo! Took all my energy though. I know it's not much yet, but I am happy with it anyway, since I haven't been doing any swimming for almost 10 years. Geez, I am old! :-)

I almost don't dare to admit it, but I am 16w2d already! How did that happen???? And how can I still be in disbelief and wonder? Happy to have made it this far, but afraid to fully believe I will be holding a live baby in the end. I am less nauseous, and I think a bit less tired too. But the heartburn has started, which seems early. Now if only the kicking would start, that's what I am really waiting for!!!

Tomorrow morning will be my first prenatal. I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand I am looking forward to seeing my midwife again. On the other hand, I am so not looking forward to having to birth in the hospital this time because of the myomectomy. I haven't really been wanting to deal with it too much yet, since I first wanted to make it past the danger zone. After six home births, I have a hard time with the fact that a hospital birth seems unavoidable this time. On the other hand, a high risk birth still beats all those miscarriages. I also have a certain trepidation because everything has been going so well without seeing any one medical. Somehow I am afraid to jinx it, now that I have my first appointment.

Tomorrow night, we celebrate Sinterklaas, a Dutch predecessor of Santa Claus. There will be presents, and special candy. The weird thing is that everything has been wrapped already! Over the last 2 days too, but still... What happened to procrastination and 3 am gift wrapping sessions? LOL

Thanksgiving

I am grateful for my wonderful kids, who are always a joy to be around. (OK, almost always :-) I am grateful for my precious deer totem baby, even although I am still in a bit of disbelief. I am grateful for my husband who has supported me and loved me and cherished me so much in the 12.5 years that we have been married. I am grateful for my family in the Netherlands, although I wish they lived closer. I am grateful for the wonderful community in which we live, with an amazing number of good friends living close to me. I am grateful for a my on line communities, where I have met many soulmates, I wish I could meet all of them in person some day. I am grateful for a perfect house (well, almost :-) and a debt annihilation schedule which should make it totally ours in about five years from now. I am grateful for a basement full of healthy food, including a freezer with tons of produce from my own garden. I am grateful for the sunny days, and am ignoring the snowy and rainy ones :-) I am grateful for the wildlife that surrounds our house, although I am hoping that the bear will leave our birdfeeders alone this year. I am grateful to live in a country where we can homeschool without being harrassed, unlike the Netherlands. I am grateful for a sublime homeschool support group, where both my kids and me have found good friends. And I am grateful once again to be pregnant with a keeper!!!

15.5 Weeks pregnant now and still waiting for the first kicks. I had another bad dream, this time involving a stillborn baby. I hope to have only positive dreams from now on!!!

We signed up for a membership at a local health club. Their walk-in rates are ridiculous, but the membership is very reasonable. If I want to go swimming with the kids, I would pay $30 for a day pass. But the family membership (one adult and all the kids) is only $32 per month, and then we can swim as often as we want. So we went swimming there yesterday, in the afternoon. The kids had a lot of fun, but I have learned that I need to send them all to the bathroom first before we go swimming!! It's amazing how often the little ones needed to go, and I had to go with them every time. And I couldn't leave the others in the water without supervision, so they weren't too happy about it :-)

At night, I went back all by myself! I haven't swum in ages (years and years and years), but really want to get back into the habit again. When I just started, I wasn't sure whether I was going to make it. And I did a lot more back crawl than I usually would have done, because it was easier to breathe faster that way :-) I had set myself the goal of swimming at least 20 lengths, and maybe 40 if I was up to it. I swam my 20 and still could go on, so I ended up swimming 40 lengths! A whole kilometer! I am proud of me :-) I was amazed that I still could do it and kind of bounced off the walls from the high it gave me. I am definitely going to do this again!

I made split pea soup in the crockpot today. It was extremely windy and then it started snowing too. You know things are bad outside when the snow goes past the window horizontally! The kids were happy about the snow, I was just visualizing having to shovel our challenging driveway. Luckily it didn't really stay on there, just on the grass, where I could almost ignore it :-)

FOURTEEN Weeks and Worried Yet Again

Yesterday, I was so happy to have made it this far! And then last night, I had this nightmare, where I went to my midwife for my first prenatal, and she could not find the heartbeat. I so remember how it felt, how we got more and more desperate, trying to find it, and not being able to, and her telling me 'It doesn't look good' :-(

I woke up and have been feeling worried again the whole day. I do recognize that most likely I am just working through my fears and this is not what will really happen. I have to admit though, that my mind knows that, but my emotions are not convinced. And of course now I am playing the whole mindgame 'Do I feel less tired? Do I feel less nauseous?' And I do feel less nauseous, but at 14 weeks, that's not really surprising. And the tiredness tends to come and go too, and it definitely still is here, but is it as bad as it was last week?????? My whole confidence in this pregnancy is shaken up yet again, blech!

I think that this happened, because some one on my mailing lists, found out at her 16wo prenatal, that her baby died. No heartbeat anymore. She has been posting about it, and I have been writing to her and supporting her. I think that that is what has been causing this nightmare last night. Also, in another email, totally unrelated, somebody offered a gecko for sale, and during my dream, there was a gecko in the tree outside. Mind you, this is New England, where we don't really have huge geckos sitting in our trees. This makes me hope that I was just dreaming about yesterday's email and it's not any more than that.

On a good note, we got our aquarium filled and bought things like filters etc that we still needed. We also really needed colored gravel, and all kinds of cutesy aquarium accessories, like divers, and many colored pearl shells.... At least, that's what the kids convinced me of :-) By the time we came home, it was dark already. So my kids went out with a flashlight and a net in the pitch dark yard, to find some fish :-) They managed to catch two gold fish, so they are happily swimming around in our aquarium now. I hope we will be able to find more tomorrow, it will be easier when it is light I would think.

And on another good note, the perfect and sunny weather motivated me to actually OPEN the vegetable drawers in the fridge, and dump the contents on the compost pile. Phew!!! I think it had been at least five weeks since the last time I dared to open them.... I am glad I have that behind me! It was something I had felt guilty about, but not guilty enough to actually do something about it! Maybe some day I'll start cooking again too!

So life is going on, and I am still wondering about this pregnancy. I wish this baby would start kicking! That would reassure me, especially after last night!!!!!!!

A Very Special Present

Today, the mailman brought a very special present from a good friend. It was a small package, and Tara was waiting impatiently for me to open it, because she was waiting for a Yu Gi Oh card she had ordered last week. It was wrapped really really well, so it took me a while to open it, and I hadn't really looked at the sender closely, because I was expecting either Tara's card, or some other things I had ordered on line.

Finally, I got it so that I could open it. There was one of those small jewelry boxes inside, and a card. I first read the card, it was a congratulations on reaching my second trimester. How thoughtful! How amazing that she was able to send that card because this pregnancy is working out! I opened the box, and there was a necklace, with a doe and her fawn on it. Wow! How appropriate and how perfect!

I am wearing it now, and every time I look at it, I smile. Both about my pregnancy, and about having such a good friend who has been there through the whole miscarriages mess and now is sharing in my pregnancy joy. And Tara liked the deer so much, that she didn't even mind that her Yu Gi Oh card wasn't in the package, she thought that this necklace was really, really cool.

I think I am starting to feel less nauseous, but definitely not less exhausted. At least I am getting a lot of reading done, which is good, because I am trying to get accredited as a LLL Leader and that involves a lot of reading. Just finished the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and got started on the 'Breastfeeding: Biocultural Perspectives' which I have wanted to read for ages. Very interesting!

Talked With The OB

Today, out of the blue, my ob called me! The one who did the myomectomy. I had written her a letter, telling her about my pregnancy and about my decision not to do any beta levels or early ultrasounds. I hadn't heard from her, but I hadn't really expected anything anyway, I just wanted her to know about my pregnancy without having to refuse any testing on the phone. A letter gave me more opportunity to explain my reasoning to her instead of to a nurse. Then suddenly, today, she called, asking how I was doing. I thought that was really nice of her. I told her I still am pregnant and we agreed that the fibroid most likely had been the reason behind all the miscarriages. She was very happy to hear that this pregnancy seems to be working out.

She asked me whether I had thought more about the whole planned c-section issue, since she had recommended a scheduled c-section for this time around. I told her that yes, I had thought about it and was sure I was going to have a vaginal birth. I did wonder whether I would be able to do that in the birthing center where she practices though, since they are a lot nicer than our big hospital. She said that she would prefer me to go to the big teaching hospital, so it looks like I don't have much of a choice in birthing location. Oh well. At least I asked, and I know now.

I guess next week I'll call my homebirth midwife and start my prenatal care. I didn't want to jinx this pregnancy by doing early prenatals, I really wanted to get through the first trimester without seeing any one medical. I saw my dentist today, that was bad enough! LOL I did have some small cavities, but they all could wait till after delivery in his opinion. I was happy to agree with anything that would delay the drilling :-)

SECOND Trimester!!!!!

I never know for sure when the second trimester officially start, but 13 weeks sounds about right. I am 13w1d now!!!! WOOHOO!!!! That means that I officially have entered the second trimester, which in itself already decreases my miscarriage risk. And I am still feeling totally exhausted, which is a great sign too. I read back in my pg journal with Erik and exhaustion seemed to be the main theme for week 12-17, so I am happy that this pregnancy seems to be repeating that.

Had a fun LLL meeting this morning, a small group, but nice discussions. I made sourdough banana bread so I can stop feeling guilty about Robert, my sourdough starter :-) I had been ignoring him for way too long, because I was too sick and tired to bake sourdough bread. Of course I also baked my 'famous' cinnamon raisin bread, I can't have any kind of meeting here without having to bake that :-)

Then in the afternoon I went to bed with good food and a good book. Needed that after all the cleaning I did to get ready for the meeting :-) I have been spending way too much time in bed, but my body seems to need it. And I will happily rest and rest to have a healthy baby! Not to mention that I get lots of reading done LOL.

But at the same time, I am majorly looking forward to the energy surge that for sure should happen after this! Perfectly timed in the middle of winter too, when there is no gardening to distract me from decluttering my house :-) Speaking about winter, we had snow again, so I got stuck at the bottom of our driveway, my van refused to make it up into all that snow.... So dh got his first hour of shoveling in for this winter! Lucky him!

TWELVE Weeks!!!!

I am totally amazed that I have made it this far, past the 11.5 weeks miscarriage date. It seems unbelievable to me that I am finally past that date, and I am still not sure whether I really am, or maybe I am just imagining things? I seem to be living in a dreamworld now, this is just too good to be reality.

I keep checking for blood, every single time I go to the bathroom. The doubts are still very heavily on me. I am deliriously happy to still be pregnant, but at the same time pretty unbelieving that this is going to last. What a mixture of emotions.

I have to admit that I still feel nauseous and tired though. And I had a pickle craving yesterday, of all the things you can crave! How predictable! It's such a stereotype to crave those, geez! I tried not to give into it, but decided to buy a pot of pickles anyway when grocery shopping, and that was my downfall! LOL I have been craving sour things this pregnancy anyway, adding a lemon to my freshly squeezed orange juice and such.

Yesterday, I got my totally own copy of Writer's Market 2004! That means that I have a wealth of information about where to send queries, lots of markets, editor names, what magazines are looking for and such. I am very excited about seriously working on my writing now, and have been pouring over my Writer's Market. To commemorate my lost baby, I have started an article about 'Pregnancy After Miscarriage' and it's coming along well. This Writer's Market will help me to find a place to get it published.

Still too tired to do much baking, but hoping to make a lemon/sourcream bread today, because it fits so well into my cravings LOL. And yesterday I made my 'famous' cinnamon raisin bread for a homeschool support meeting at our house. It was fun, kids played nicely together, while the adults could sit around, chat, and plan for the next two months.

One more week and I am out of the first trimester!

Halloween!!!

Always a fun holiday for the kids. We spent the day getting ready, finishing costumes in the morning, carving pumpkins in the afternoon. The kids were very excited about it all, and couldn't wait to go trick or treating.

We ate an early supper, with a lot of protein, to try to have some good stuff in them before the candy attack hit :-) Then it was time for Costumes! Cees had decided to go as Link, a Nintendo game character. He made the costume mostly by himself, with a tiny bit of help from me. Tim had a hard time deciding on a costume, and finally just got whatever he could find out of the costume box, ending up as a magical sergeant - knight! It involved a wizard robe, armor and a wig... Tara was a butterfly, something she had decided on weeks ago, so that was easy.Well, apart from when one wing broke two minutes before we had to leave! Duct tape to the rescue!!!!!!!! Jane was a flower, with a costume mostly made by her and Tara. It looked very homemade, but they were extremely proud of their accomplishments :-) Kate was an angel, including a shiny halo. Erik was supposed to be a bunny, then a bat, but at the last moment ended up as a kitty. They all were happy with their costumes and very ready to go.

We made it around one big block and about halfway both Tim and Kate started to fall apart. At the end, Kate was even saying 'I don't want any more candy!!!' but she still went up to the doors to get some LOL Erik insisted on being carried till we were close to a house, and then he would walk the last five yards or so. After collecting his candy, it was back to 'Papa, I need to be carried! I am too cold/tired/freezing' Actually it wasn't cold at all. It was one of the warmest Halloweens in my memory, usually we seem to have snow or freezing rain, brrrrrrrrr!

At home, everybody sat down at the table and ate ate ate from their candy. I let them eat as much as they want, with the idea that this will help to get through the stack a lot faster and in fewer sittings. It seems to work well. All the candy tends to be gone within a few days. And since we usually don't eat much candy, it makes Halloween extra special that they can eat as much as they want.

I am still nauseous, and tired, and not looking forward to tomorrow's milestone of losing one of my babies. It is hard to imagine that I made it this far with one of those doomed pregnancies, and still lost the baby. I want to think of a good way to commemorate my lost baby tomorrow, but I haven't figured out yet how. Somehow I have been dreading that day so much, that I haven't actually thought any practical thoughts yet.

So one more day of waiting, wondering, and worrying. One more day of almost being there, but not totally yet. One more day of feeling in limbo. One more day of hoping that history does not repeat itself. I feel that after tomorrow, a whole new era in my pregnancy will start, an era in which I have never miscarried this far along yet. An era of renewed hope and cautiously thinking that maybe I will end up with a live baby this time!

ELEVEN Weeks!!!

Or actually 11wd2 today! I alternate between feeling optimistic and feeling worried. So close to when I started bleeding last time. I find myself checking way too often whether I am bleeding yet. Every little twinge sends me in an almost panic. Every moment of not feeling nauseous and tired makes me doubt this pregnancy all over again. One moment I am grateful to have made it this far and still be pregnant, the other moment I just fear that this can't last. What a mixture of emotions!

Our weather has been alternating too, Monday was pouring rain, Tuesday was perfect sunshine, yesterday was pouring rain, today sunshine again. Tuesday I spent most of the day in the garden, cleaning up veggie beds, carrying old wood to the woodpile, and just enjoying one of the last warm days of the year. Today I think I'll go out again too, but I wanted to update my blog first while the world warms up :-)

I have been craving freshly squeezed orange juice so badly. I have been making some, adding grapefruits and lemons and every time I drink it, I'm in heaven! The squeezing is a lot of work though, so I looked around in our local supermarket to see whether they had freshly squeezed juice. They didn't! Geez! So early this morning, I drove over to our more health foody supermarket and oh bliss, they did have freshly squeezed juice! Phew! I came home with a quart of freshly squeezed orange juice, a few small bottles of grape fruit juice, super protein something, and a vanilla almond shake. Let's see whether this will get me past this craving.

They had a lot of cereal on sale, the ones that my kids will eat, so I went out for orange juice, and came back with a whole cart full of stuff. Doesn't it always work that way? LOL

The writing is going well, although today is more an outside day than a writing day. But I feel that I am making a lot of progress in getting things organized and getting articles sent out. Very happy about finally having made that step!

Still feeling nauseous, and tired, so that's a good sign. So I am just going to try to relax and get past the next few days. And if that doesn't work, I'll write or garden till it does!

Getting Closer...

I am almost 11 weeks now and the 11.5wo miscarriage D-Day is getting closer. I find myself more irritated and more worried again. Will I make it? Every time I go to the bath room I hold my breath. Will there be blood this time? Am I feeling less nauseous? Am I having too much energy? Is the universe conspiring against me? If I was a nail biter, I wouldn't have any nails left right now.

Of course, I still am nauseous, and tired, and not eating much, but at the same time, I am thinking that maybe I am just still imagining it. It's amazing what a mindgames I can play with myself. And I think the only way I can get past them right now, is by getting past the 11.5 weeks mark. Some things only get solved by time, maybe I should just accept that I am worried right now and move on with my life.

I have been working on my writing to try to keep my mind occupied with other things. Not always working, but at least it does keep me busy, and gives me something else to obsess about. I even ordered a Writer's Market book at amazon yesterday, so I have some more ideas of where to send queries and articles. I feel good about doing this, even if I am not going to have anything published, at least I know that I tried!

Made blueberry muffins with the kids today, Jane really really wanted to make them. They turned out well, almost all of them are gone already. And yesterday I actually cooked again for the first time in ages. Just a simple veggie soup, and dh did all the cutting, but still! Of course, that was another reason for me to worry. Is it a bad sign if I cook a meal? LOL Tonight we are going to eat leftovers from our chinese takeout and I'll have dh reheat them. Much less to worry about that way :-)

Kate's new dresser has been installed, she is happy about it now. It gave me an opportunity to go through all her clothes and move on the ones that were too small. Although Tara ended up doing most of that, she was a lot of help. The neutral things went to Erik, the girlish things went on a stack for the new baby. And now Kate can change her clothes without her dresser drawers collapsing! Wow!

The Last Farmer's Market

A bit sad, it will be May next year before they start up again. I was determined to make it today, and just hoped it wouldn't be snowing like it was last year. Well, it wasn't snowing, but it was COLD! But we just could not miss the last market. I didn't really need any more vegetables, actually I have mostly been ignoring everything like that for the last few weeks. I don't even know whether I still want to open my veggie drawer LOL I just have been way too exhausted and sick to cook anything good.

The kids usually eat croissants at the bakery there, but this time I told the kids that they could have whatever they wanted. So they ate chocolate croissants, cookies, and sticky buns, made them very happy :-) Afterwards we got hot chocolate, I myself went for the hot cider. Helped with getting a bit warmer, but I never really got back to normal temp till I was in the car again and could put the heat on HIGH lol

I also got some goat cheese, and organic cheese. And a pumpkin pie, which I will freeze till Thanksgiving, one less thing to bake, which is good right now LOL.And sticky buns with nuts, so I could make grilled stickies tonight, some one had pasted a link to those a few days ago, and of course I had been craving them ever since. I have to admit that they are GOOD!

Time to go home, drop off the kids, and get some stuff done on my own. I bought a new dresser for Kate, since the old one was really falling apart. As in drawers collapsing EVERY time you opened them. As opposed to them only collapsing once a month or so in the beginning, and then once a week a year later LOL. When I told her that I was going to get a new dresser to replace the old one, she burst into tears. Which puzzled me till I figured out why she was crying... She was convinced that we were going to get rid of the old dresser WITH all her clothes! So she wouldn't have anything to wear anymore LOL.

Found a nice, sturdy one which was a lot cheaper than most of them, and brought it home. Now I just need to clean out the old one, and get rid of all the stuff that's too small for her, and then we can fill the new one. so she will be able to get out her stuff without everything collapsing! Such an improvement on our quality of life!

I got some good looking trail mix at the supermarket, thinking that that might help with my nausea. I took it with me on my shopping trip. Turned out that it mostly made me more nauseous and very thirsty on top of that. So much for that theory! Gave the rest of the trail mix to Sander, lucky him LOL. It was too spicy and nutty for the kids, otherwise they would have gotten stuck with it :-)

And I am still soooooooo tired, which makes me happy. I might actually go to bed early tonight, which should get me a lot of sleep in combination with the time change!

Gardening

Today the snow had melted, phew! It was sunny, but cold, our highs were in the low 40s. I got some outside stuff done. Got my rosemary inside, so that it will survive the winter. I got four rosemary plants two years ago. I knew that they might not survive the winter here, so in the fall, I dug out 3 of them, and took those inside. The last one I left outside, but I put a lot of mulch on it, to see whether that would help it to survive the winter. It didn't. So I had 3 plants left, which I planted outside again in the spring. They grew a lot over the summer, so I have 3 big and healthy rosemary plants in my kitchen window now. Makes the kitchen smell really nice! As an after thought, I also took some oregano, parsley, thyme, and sage inside. I don't know how well that will work, but I figured I could as well give it a try.

I did some more cleanup work in the yard, the compost pile is a lot bigger now, and the veggie beds a lot emptier. I tied a bunch of corn stalks together to put next to our front stairs as a decoration. I like the way it looks. And the fact that it was free :-) Found another pumpkin that I have missed before, put that with the other pumpkins in our front yard. Getting more and more ready for Halloween :-)

I had to get the kids up early today, since it was pickup day for our coop. We are able to get lots of stuff in bulk for good prices. Bulk grains, nuts, TVP, all kinds of good stuff. Organic cereal a lot cheaper than in the supermarket. And the great thing is that I get the catalog in the mail, and then can put my order in via email, late at night, at my own convenience. Then a week later, I go and pick up all the stuff that I ordered. I really like this system.

Today, I baked daily bread, but that was all the baking I did. Tonight we actually got Chinese take out, so at least we would have some real food again, and a few leftovers. I didn't eat much, but I did enjoy what I was eating, especially the fried tofu with veggies. After supper, I had a nice neighborhood walk with one of my neighbors. I had missed my morning walk for a few days, because of rain and snow, so this was perfect timing.

One more week till the 11.5wo miscarriage date, I am still a bit worried about it all. I am sick and tired, but worried nonetheless. So I am writing to keep my mind off things, the gardening today helped too. There won't be too many more gardening days though, it's getting colder and snowier. I guess that's why I started the writing again, so I have something inside to keep my mind off things.

Snow!!!???

I was NOT ready for it yet. Not that I ever am, but this seems early even for New England. And yesterday wasn't too bad, it was snowing, but at least it didn't stay on the ground. But this morning I woke up to a totally white world!!! Amazing! And hopefully not a sign of things to come, last winter was snowy enough, we are due for a less snowy one this time! This time of the year, I really think we should move somewhere South!

I have been craving Apfel Strudel for a while, but somehow never seem to get around to making it. So what do I do, today of all days, which was a full day already anyway? Yes, I decided to make Apfel Strudel! It is not something I have done very often before. Actually the only one time I have tried it, I used whole wheat flour, and I blamed that when I couldn't roll out the dough thin enough to make a good strudel LOL.

Actually it turned out pretty nice. I used white flour this time, since I think that was part of the trouble with the last failure. And I still couldnt' get the dough as paperthin as I wanted it. And it seemed that there was too much filling for the dough (maybe because I didn't stretch the dough enough) But it tasted great! And three kids ate some of it, which is a miracle all by itself!

Of course, doing this, delayed our trip to the shoe store. We needed to get new ballet and tap shoes for dance lessons. And when we finally made it there, they didn't even have all the right sizes, geez! Time was ticking though, so we bought some, and decided to try to make do with older, a bit smallish ones for the ones still missing. Quick supermarket visit to pick up a FAST lunch and then about eight minutes to actually eat that lunch and try to find the old ballet shoes. Which were lost. I shouldn't have been surprised. We tore apart the whole house and finally located them in the costume box...

We made it to the dance class, only ten minutes or so late. What a good impression for our first class. My three girls did this class, and they did have a great time though, notwithstanding the stress we had before getting there. It's a class divided in tap, ballet and jazz, so they get a bit of everything. And the good thing is that they all still have lots of room for imrovement! :-)

Another quick stop at home, this time to eat a snack and then off to karate, where Jane had belt testing for the very first time. She had a white belt, the beginner one, but now is the proud owner of the next higher belt, an orange one! She is very, very proud, and very, very happy! She did a great job, I was amazed how well she remembered her kata. It was a bit challenging to watch the belt testing with Erik jumping around, he was not into sitting still and watching quietly. Now that was a surprise LOL.

Finally home and not having to go anywhere! I collapsed in bed with a good book,although the kids insisted on having dinner anyway, so I had to get out again :-) My dinner consisted of Apfel Strudel and sheep cheese. Well, it does have protein and calcium right? And the apples do have vitamin C.

I rewrote one of my old articles on potty training and sent it out to a bunch of local parenting publications. It felt like a huge step! Nothing might come out of it, but somehow I had been paralyzed by the thought of actually sending out articles. I seem to have passed that hump now, and I feel all geared up to send out lots of stuff. It's something I can do while sitting on my butt, unlike cleaning the house or cooking food :-)

TEN Weeks!!!

Wow! Double digits, how exciting!!! And a quart of the way there, if this one works out. I feel a lot better than I did yesterday, I think writing out all my emotions really helped me. It's a very cheap form of therapy :-) I still am sick, tired, and happy, so all seems really well today. It was a nice, quiet day at home, we didn't have to go anywhere. I like those days better than when we have to run from activity to activity the whole day.

I just re-read my 10 weeks entry from my pregnancy journal with Erik. How innocent I still was, I was thinking about the possibility of miscarriage, but it wasn't as real and overpowering as it is now. That was the week when my brownie craving started. We ate quite a lot of them for a while. Now I can't even stand the thought of brownies, much less muster up the energy to actually bake some. Not sure what my current craving is, I think only soft boiled eggs right now. I have eaten quite a lot of them since last week, when this craving started. And I still feel like making them for dinner again!

I have decided to get more serious about writing, and plan on sending out a few articles over the next few weeks and see what happens. I have been planning this for a while, but somehow never got around to it. I seem to miss the organizational skills to actually get my articles out there. But since I don't have the energy to do any physical organizing or decluttering, I can as well do this, since I can sit on my butt at the computer while doing it. Fits in well with my exhaustion :-)

So send me 'article acceptance vibes', and I guess I can use some article writing vibes too. I think I feel ready to start writing articles about miscarriages, a subject I have been avoiding for a long time, because I was too much in the middle of it.

Stressed!!!!

I am majorly re-living the 3-weeks-wait between finding out that my baby died, and the actual physical miscarriage. All those emotions are coming back to me, all the stress, and worries, and sadness. All the feelings of inadequacy, of unfairness, of despair. All the feelings of 'I should have had a baby by now, or at least be quite pregnant'. All the feelings of emptiness, and of envy for other moms who just stayed pregnant and had babies, while I was stuck in Miscarriage Land. It was horrible. Heck, it still is horrible, I feel like I am living through it all again.

Usually I would bake and garden to deal with the stress, but I just do not have the energy at all. Which is good in a way, because it bodes well for this pregnancy. But bad in a way too, because it gives me too much time to think. I have considered going on a long long hike, but I lack even the energy for that. I still do my morning walk, but that's about all the exercise I am getting, and it tires me out, which is totally unusual for me.

This morning I made chocolate syrup, so at least I can feed the kids milk shakes again (one of the few ways to get at least some calories in my very picky, and very underweight boys). Then we had to go to the chiropractor, pick up some bagels at the Bagel Basement (usually I would have baked those myself). Back home, have a quick lunch, and off again to karate, and the supermarket. I am exhausted now. I wanted to bake some banana bread from a bunch of very ripe bananas (you know, the ones that attract a annoying swarm of fruit flies). But there was no way I could find the energy to do that, so I ended up making banana splits instead. Easier, and most of the kids loved it. Even although half of them didn't even really eat the bananas, oh well.

During my supermarket visit, I was sooooooooooo nauseous, I kept looking at all the disgusting food there, and wondering how people could eat all that crap!!! That should be a good sign too, right? LOL

It seems like all my symptoms are still here, and I am happy to still be pregnant, but boy I am stressed about it all right now! I think I will feel a lot better once I am past the 11.5 weeks mark when my latest miscarriage happened.

They Are GONE!!!

Left yesterday afternoon, and should be home late today. What a long trip for them! I did enjoy their visit, but I am also really enjoying being with our own family again. The kids aren't thrilled that they have to wash our dishes again though :-) But it is nice to be able to drink tea again, without my tea cup being emptied and cleaned before I even took my first sip.

Still pregnant, still nauseous, still tired, and still wondering whether it's real, or whether it's all in my head. I am thinking back to the other pregnancy, where I found out at 8.5 weeks that the baby died, but still had to wait till 11.5 weeks till I actually started miscarrying. I am 9w5d now, so right in the middle of that period. All the emotions are coming back to me. All the fears and worries I thought were behind me, are surfacing again. It is hard to keep trusting this pregnancy. But I don't have much of a choice, worrying more about it will not alter the outcome at all, so I can as well relax and enjoy. Trying to live in the 'now' of being pregnant, instead of in the 'what if' of my worries. My mind can reason it all out, but my emotions still have some room for improvement :-) I have to admit that I am stressed about it all anyway.

My energy level is close to zero, which is a good sign, but a bit annoying too. I haven't been baking at all, well, apart from our daily bread. I am looking forward to the second trimester energy surge, if only because that will mean that I will be past the first trimester :-) There is lots of nesting to be done, and it will be winter, so that will be perfect timing for decluttering and cleaning. During the summer, gardening tends to get in the way of decluttering :-)

I am not puking, but just very very nauseous all the time. Don't feel like eating at all, and not like cooking either. I wince when I look in my fridge, at all the veggies that should be made into something, but I just do not have the energy or the inclination. Well, I guess I can always reason that they will feed the compost pile, so will improve our garden next year, right? And some days I actually do manage to salvage some of the veggies and make an easy soup or so, but it never seems to be enough. It doesn't help either, that I will sit there, staring at the soup, but not feel like eating it at all. Oh well.

So I guess things are going well, I just should worry less. But I sure still am very much enjoying being pregnant, I spent my morning walk saying over and over to myself 'I am pregnant, I am pregnant, I am PREGNANT!!!' It still seems like such a miracle to me!

NINE Weeks!!!!

And I am still having symptoms!!! Maybe this one will work out! I am feeling tired and nauseous, but then start doubting myself. What if I am not really tired and nauseous, but just am playing mindgames with myself? Since I so badly WANT to be tired and nauseous? Maybe I would have lots of energy if I just didn't pretend that I felt tired? It's a long road, getting through the first trimester...

Last night some one told me that I looked really tired, which made me feel better again. If somebody else sees it, maybe it's true after all! LOL And yesterday morning, I had my morning walk, got the inlaws out of the door, fed the kids, and then went right back to bed, because I was so tired. Still doubting myself though, I guess that will last at least till I start feeling the baby kick.

The inlaws are gone again for a few days. It's nice to have our house back to ourselves for a few days. Although I do miss the dishwashing she has been doing. I don't think I miss the vacuuming, that was just too often for my comfort level LOL. My house looked a big mess again today, much more normal :-) But I got the boys to clean it up, which was part of a long standing agreement, that I finally decided to start cashing in.

More than two years ago, they really really really wanted a gameboy, and we worked out a deal that they would get a gameboy, if they would work on cleaning up the floors every day, for the three months that I am always totally exhausted when pregnant. At that point, I thought that I would get pregnant soon, so it seemed like a good idea to do it this way. They got their gameboys, but I did not get pregnant. And after a while, I did get pregnant, over and over, but never reached the exhaustion part, since I would miscarry pretty soon after finding out. Even with my longer pregnancy, in which I made it till 11.5 weeks, I never reached the exhaustion part to have them start working on their part of the deal.

Today, I had been outside with a friend, and when I came in, I just was totally disgusted with the way the living room looked. Pillows, toys, pieces of paper, scissors, even cereal everywhere! Yuck! Was a bit much, even for me. I wondered whether I should start picking up, or whether I should enlist help. The help idea won :-) So I told the boys that today was the first day of their three months of cleaning! They groaned a bit, but did it anyway :-) And I am happy that I am finally in a position to have their part of the deal being done. It has been a long long two years to get here.

Two sick kids, Kate has croup, Tara was just throwing up and throwing up. I hope they will feel better tomorrow, there will be homeschool club and there's karate in the afternoon. No time to be sick :-) Both seem a lot better now than they were this morning though, so I hope it will all work out.

The inlaws will be back Thursday night, and then leave for the Netherlands on Monday or so. I guess I'll have to run a vacuum through the house before they are back, and maybe having the dishes done will be nice too :-)

This morning I had a bad craving for potato pancakes, so I made those, and added some fried tomatoes as a side. Yummy yummy yummy. The rest of the day I haven't felt like eating much though, so I guess it's good that I got that in.

This afternoon I planted the remainder of the bulbs. I think we must have a total of 900 to 1000 bulbs in the ground now, looking forward to spring to see them all bloom! We will have a lot less crocuses than I thought we would have though... The squirrels discovered them, and dug them all up, so there are tons of neat little holes all over the lawn, and you can see fat squirrels sitting there, happily munching on yet another tasty crocus bulb.... I never had that problem when planting them in groups (one big hole) I think because the grass is more on top of them then. But those were planted individually by my MIL, and that seems to be easier for the squirrels. Oh well :-)

They will be back!

Tonight to be exactly :-) And I have basically been ignoring the house and the dishes, hoping they would go away by themselves. They haven't shown any signs yet of doing so though... I guess I need to get working on them soon, but I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired. I was going to freeze tomatillos this morning, and they still aren't frozen, I could barely get them washed and peeled. My energy level is zero! I love it! Well, if only my inlaws wouldn't be on their way LOL.

I did get 81 bulbs planted this morning, but I don't think that really will impress them. I am satisfied about it though, just a few more bags to go, maybe about 125 bulbs or so? And then all the garlic and the shallots and I will be ready for winter!

I am very nauseous, so another thing to be happy about. This is around the time I had my ultrasound that showed me that the other baby had died. All the memories are flooding back to me, and one thing I clearly remember, is that I had been losing my symptoms even before the ultrasound. So still having a lot of symptoms is an excellent sign.

I have been thinking back a lot to that other pregnancy. I was so happy when, after a lot of losses, I finally found myself pregnant with what seemed to be a keeper. My hcg serum levels were nice and high, I made it past the dates of all the losses I had suffered, and I was starting to feel really good about the pregnancy, and about the possibility to actually end up with a live baby. I had an ultrasound at 6.5 weeks. I was really really really nervous before, I was so afraid not to see a live baby, heck, I am not sure what I was afraid of, but I was extremely nervous. It went wonderfully well. We saw the right things for that pregnancy length, including a little blip, which was the beginning of the beating heart.

I felt even better about this pregnancy and almost started to relax. Then the horrible 8.5 weeks ultrasound happened. I think I was less nervous than with the 6.5 weeks one. I mean, that one was ok, so why should this one be any different? When she just kept measuring, and didn't say anything, I wondered. Finally, I decided to ask 'Do you see a heartbeat?' She replied 'I am not supposed to tell you, but no, I am sorry, but there is no heartbeat'. Later, a doctor came in to give me the official news and to talk about what to do now. I was just in shock. I didn't even cry. At least, not then. The weird thing was that I hadn't expected this news, but on the other hand, I wasn't surprised by it either. It fit in so well with the rest of the miscarriages, it almost seemed like it was the inevitable end to my pregnancy.

I waited three weeks before I started to physically miscarry. Those three weeks were torture, and bittersweet at the same time. It was in a way good to deal with the emotional issues, before the physical part started. And it was nice to have some extra time with my precious baby, even although I knew it was very limited. On the other hand, there were times like when we were at Kate's gymnastics, and there was a whole row of four women, all of which were pregnant. One of them said 'Look, how wonderful, all those pregnant ladies in a row'. There I was standing next to them, thinking 'I am pregnant too, but my baby died!!!!' They didn't know about it, and I wasn't ready to share. It was hard.

Yesterday, I had a good friend over, who had a baby in August, the same month this other baby should have been born. Very beautiful, very cute, and she made me sad in a way for my loss, but there also just is something so calming about little babies. I held her a few times, loved loved loved it. There was a pang of sadness for what could have been, but I also have learned that I just can't live my life only thinking about the past, and about what has been lost. Instead, I am enjoying the present time of being pregnant and being nauseous, and hoping fervently that this pregnancy will finally be the one that will get us our keeper!

Eight Weeks and NAUSEOUS!!!!

Phew!!!!!!! I am so much happier today, because the nausea is back in full force! What a relief!!!! And very tired too, I really don't think I can be making this up. Still a bit stressed about the close proximity to the date I found out about the impending miscarriage, but less now that I am nauseous again.

We went apple picking with a friend today, lots of fun. And now I have even more apples with which I will have to make something. Which wouldn't be an issue if I had some kind of energy. I think I'll bake an apple bread tomorrow morning for the LLL meeting. I have a cinnamon raisin bread started already, so if I don't get to the apple bread, there still will be something to eat :-)

There also was a corn maze, not extremely big, but big enough to keep us occupied and lost for a while. And they still had raspberry picking going on! Yummy!!!! We had a great time, and it was wonderful to spend so many hours outside together, since the weather is detoriating rapidly and winter will be on us soon.

Tonight, Cees had a court of honor and advanced to 2nd class scout. He was very happy about it :-) Dh came home early, so I could go to the court, just with Cees. Last time I took the little ones, and let's just say that they were way too bouncy for the whole ceremony. I can't really blame them, it was a long sit, even for me :-)

Tomorrow, there will be a LLL meeting, so I need to get the house in somewhat decent shape. It's amazing how fast my kids have messed up the rooms that my MIL cleaned. At least the LLL people don't really care what the house looks like, as long as there is freshly baked cinnmon raisin bread :-) I also will have a good friend coming to visit me in the afternoon, so it will be a fun day.

And I hope I will be nice and nauseous again tomorrow, it's a much better feeling than when I wasn't!

Worried....

Today I am feeling less nauseous than I have been, which immediately sends me into extreme worrying mode. I am close to the time that I found out that my other baby had died, and in hindsight, I had been losing symptoms before that awful ultrasound happened. So I think I am re-living that now, sending me into a state of worrying and wondering. What if the unthinkable is happening again?

I really feel like I have lost my innocence, my trust that being pregnant means having a live baby nine months later. That being pregnant means I get to experience those first tentative kicks, that being pregnant means that I get to shop for baby clothes and slings again. My last pregnancies have been frought with worry, and eventually with yet another loss, it is hard to move beyond that. Most days I am trying to do just that, but today, somehow it's not working :-(

And yes, I do know that it is normal that symptoms wax and wane, and yes, I do know most likely the nausea will be back with a vengeance. But today I am just plain and frankly worried about it all. I have been eating everything in sight today, which maybe why I am not feeling so nauseous. But I just keep thinking that my body might be recovering from a nauseous pregnancy by starting to eat again.

On the good side, I have a killer yeast infection, which is an excellent sign. And I still am really really tired, although I am wondering how much that is caused by having visitors and having a homeschool meeting here today, as opposed to by the pregnancy. Maybe my mind is just playing games on me, tricking me into feeling exhausted?


Talking about inlaws, they arrived safely and have been staying at our house from Thursday till this morning. They are really nice, but she is such a neat freak, the almost constant vacuuming and cleaning is starting to drive me crazy! I have had instances of pouring tea for myself, walking away for a few minutes, and coming back to an empty, and washed and dried tea cup.... And the teapot had been emptied and cleaned already too, so I couldn't even get a new cup of tea...

I took them to the farmer's market on Saturday, which would have been fun if it hadn't been raining all the time. And we planted hundreds of bulbs together, which was fun, and will have me look back fondly on that part of their visit once spring is here. And I have to admit that it is nice in a way to have somebody around who does the dishes the moment they happen, as opposed to ignoring them all day like I tend to do :-)

They left today for a trip to the White Mountains, to see the fall foliage. I think it must be really nice up there right now. They will be gone till Thursday, it is nice to have the house back to myself for a while. I felt free to go to bed for a few hours this afternoon, mainly wallowing in self pity about the lack of symptoms and hoping that I was really feeling tired, and not just stressed or depressed.

Stress!!!!

My inlaws will arrive a few hours from now!!! WAAAAAAAAH!!! I do like them, but I am totally stressed about getting the house ready. To the point of fighting with Sander about a stupid nothing, and bursting into tears to top that. How's that for hormonal? LOL

The house looks totally fine in my opinion, but I just know that my MIL will still find fault with it. Why do I even let it bother me? I know I shouldn't, and still I do. I guess there's some room for self improvement here LOL.

Jane is over her sickness, but now Tara got it. She complained that her head was feeling like she was getting a fever. She didn't have one yet, but about half an hour later, it was there. I told her it was good that she could figure out in advance that she was getting sick. Oh well, at least this illness usually lasts about a day, so not too bad.

The good thing about stressing over inlaws, is that I don't have as much time to stress about my pregnancy :-) But I have to admit that every time I feel a bit better, I immediately start wondering and worrying. Luckily I feel sick and tired most of the time, so that's good :-) Today I even spent some time in bed, which is very unusual for me to say the least.

I didn't feel like cooking, but I did need to get rid of some tomatoes which were attracting fruit flies, so I ended up making a simple tomato soup. I think I could have done with one hot pepper instead of two though, dh complained that it was too hot. I thought it was just fine, just a nice, strong, spicy overtone :-)

I drooled over my bulbs, but didn't actually plant any yet. Most of them are outdoor ones, but I also got some indoor ones, paper white narcissus and amaryllis, to perk up the house this winter. And there is garlic and some shallots, which will be fun to harvest next year. I got a bed prepared for the garlic already, still have to decide where to put the shallots.

It is getting colder. You definitely can feel that winter is getting nearer. I was hoping to dry some more herbs and mint and such before the first frost, but I might be too late already. If I am not, I guess I better get busy tomorrow, because there can't be much time left before it hits!

OK, off to pick up the inlaws, it's almost midnight, which will feel like 6am local time to them, so they must be exhausted! I don't think they will do much talking (or complaining :-) tonight.

SEVEN Weeks!!!!!!!!!!

Wow! That is over halfway the first trimester! I still feel very, very, very tired, and pretty nauseous. We decided to eat the pineapple for lunch today, most of the kids liked it. We do not eat fresh ones very often, so this was a treat. I got some of it, but most of it disappeared pretty fast. That was ok, my craving for it was gone anyway :-)

I had lots of visitors today, always fun. Of course, that meant that I didn't get to work on getting the house ready for my inlaws. Not that I would have worked on it otherwise, but hey, this is as good an excuse as any, right? LOL The thing is that they don't know yet that I am pregnant, so can't use that as an excuse for them. We want to tell them in person, but they first will see the sorry state the house is in before we will tell them. Oh well.... It's not good to stress out about this, right, better for the baby to just relax and ignore the housework :-)


Tonight, I got 3003 bulbs delivered to my house! Those are the bulbs you plant now, for beautiful flowers in the spring, tulips, daffodills, crocuses, and lots of others. We did a bulb coop with a bunch of friends, and I was the lucky coordinator who got them all delivered to my house :-) So only 755 of the bulbs are mine, the rest are for others. I will spend a lot of time digging holes over the next few weeks. Tomorrow I will start distributing the bulbs, I have a friend come over early to help me sort them all out. I love bulbs, the snow will cover them all, and they will be invisible, but I know they will send out their flowers after the snow melts. It feels like a kind of victory over winter!

Today Jane got Erik's illness I think. She had a very restless night, waking up every hour or so, complaining that her eyes hurt. She got up at 6:15am or so, had some breakfast and then fell right back asleep on the couch. She had a fever, but she did feel better at night when we made pizza (yes, with help of all the litttle ones again.. :-) I hope she will be over it tomorrow, Wednesdays are our busy days. Homeschool hike and gymnastics in the morning, karate in the afternoon. And I guess I should do some more cleaning too.

Today a good friend wrote to me 'Place your finger on the side of your neck and find your pulse. Every time you feel it throb, nutrients are being whooshed through the uterus to nourish your baby.' I love that image, and I have been doing it a lot since reading it. Very positive and powerful imaginery!

Sadness

I will be seven weeks pregnant tomorrow, which is right when my other baby died. I have been thinking a lot about her the last few days, and have been sad all over again. I also worry about the current baby. The timing really makes me think 'what if' thoughts, even although I know I shouldn't.

Today, I was laying in bed and was thinking 'I wish there was a way to take a look and see whether the baby is ok' I know that there is ultrasound, but that's just something I do not want to use this time around, too stressful for me, and I just don't feel good about subjecting the baby to it. Suddenly I realized that there is a way to look inside and reassure myself. So I calmed myself down, put my hands on my tummy and reached inside myself. And realized that I fully believe that this baby is totally ok. There just is no way I could not believe that, and I do need no stupid ultrasound to confirm what I know already! :-)

So even although I am sad about my lost babies, at the same time I am thrilled about being pregnant again, and experiencing all the fun pregnancy symptoms like nausea, exhaustion, and cravings. Today I craved pineapple so badly, but not the canned stuff, real ones. I ended up eating some frozen, but we ran out too fast :-) I did grocery shopping this afternoon though, and got a real pineapple! Only to discover that my pineapple craving was totally gone by the time we came home LOL.

I dug out most of my tomato plants, since they were almost dead anyway. Harvested some red, and a bunch of green tomatoes. Found some more onions, garlic, and even a few potatoes too! And my other bed had quite some summer squash, so I ended up with quite a nice harvest. And a bout of exhaustion, so actually spent time in bed after that! I had to drag myself out to get the kids to karate and do the grocery shopping.

Dh did the cooking tonight, because I sure was not going to do it! And he is addicted enough to good food, that he was not letting a little thing like a tired wife stand in his way :-)

Oh, and Erik was totally fine again yesterday, it's amazing how fast kids recover. I am just hoping that the rest of the kids won't get the same thing.

Beautiful Butterflies

Yesterday I was just too tired to write, but today I managed to write an update again. It was farmer's market day, but I didn't even feel like buying many veggies. So I decided to buy stuff that would keep, like sweet potatoes and onions. And I got some peppers to freeze, now I just need to find the energy to actually freeze them.

This afternoon I was sitting in my front yard, just relaxing, and there were two beautiful butterflied who kept landing on some flowers. I finally couldn't stand it any more, and had to grab my camera. So I dragged my tired body inside, and found the camera. I got two pictures in or so, and then the butterflies just disappeared!!!! Geez! I was sitting there, with my camera, waiting, waiting, and they totally refused to come back. Oh well :-)

Erik is sick with a high fever. It was 104 earlier today, now it's only 103. And here I was wondering why he was falling asleep in the middle of the day. I knew when he woke up, burning hot. I hope it's just a one day thing. He doesn't have any other symptoms, just the high fever.

Yesterday, dh had his very first flying lesson. I gave him one for his birthday. He was a bit nervous, those are really small planes. But he did get to fly it, and did get to land it. Or at least, the instructor managed to give him the impression that he was landing it :-) I brought a picnic lunch and the kids and I watched his lesson and cheered him on. When he came out, I asked him how it was, and his first reply was 'Scary!!!' LOL

I have been craving a vegan variant of scalloped potatoes for days now. Today, I finally found enough energy to eat it. I enjoyed it, till suddenly the broccoli in it started tasting really bad to me, so the rest of the meal I spent trying to fish out the broccoli from my portion, like a picky kid LOLOL.

I am still pretty nauseous and very, very tired. I keep hoping that these are signs of a keeper pregnancy! The tiredness sure feels like a good sign!

I Hope You Throw Up Tomorrow!

This is a well-meant wish I got from an acquaintance today :-) After I told her about all the miscarriages and how I am pregnant again, and how I really enjoy being sick, because it's a sign of a healthy pregnancy. It sounds weird, but I was very happy with it :-)

Today was homeschooler's day in our local science museum (The Montshire Museum) It was tons of fun, and I met tons of people that I know. The kids had a blast, and Tara got photographed by a reporter of a local newspaper, so maybe she'll end up in it. We'll see I guess :-)

I woke up this morning and felt totally fine! No nausea, no exhaustion, I immediately started worrying! Luckily I started feeling sick during my morning walk, phew! And tonight I did not feel like cooking at all, managed to feed the kids, then told dh he was on his own LOL. I am baking bread though, so he can have some of that once it's finished. I was so glad when I started feeling sick again. And I kept yawning while we were at the Montshire Museum, so I'll take that as a good sign too!

Knitting Lego Bricks

Tired, tired, tired, tired!!! I love it! :-) I was really sick this morning too, I still relish in all the physical signs of pregnancy. The sicker, the better! :-)

I did yet another hike to the beaver pond this morning, and finally remembered to bring my camera. I saw a cat bird, and warbler type bird, but I couldn't figure out which warbler it was. It was yellowish, I think it might have been a yellow warbler, but somehow it didn't seem yellow enough. I couldn't find any other pics in my bird book that matched it exactly either though, so who knows. It was fun to watch it, fly from branch to branch, and making little bird sounds.

I had to get back home in time though to get the kids to homeschool club, and the little ones to gymnastics. They did some drama thing. They all wrote down adjective, noun, and verb I think on pieces of paper, and then each group chose some paper to act out. They ended up acting out things like 'wet legobricks, knitting' and 'sticky zombies, running'. Or at least something like that, I am not sure, but they had tons of fun.

This afternoon, I went back to the vacuum cleaner store for the third time in about 10 days. My vacuum cleaner is broken, and they were supposed to get the right part in today... Guess what? They didn't! But they really really really were going to order the right one now LOL. Well, I guess I have a good excuse to not vacuum for a bit longer :-)

This morning I was extremely nauseous, and this afternoon I almost fell asleep sitting in a chair outside. I am taking these as good signs :-)

SIX Weeks!!!

Wow! I made it yet another week, how amazing!!! I am still extremely happy, and thoroughly enjoying my nausea, my tiredness, and yes, even my yeast infection! These just have to be signs of a healthy pregnancy! I just wish that this perfect and healthy pregnancy would go a bit faster!!!!! It just seems to be creeping by, I will breathe much easier once I am in the second trimester.

After all the miscarriages, I still find it really hard to believe that I actually will end up with a baby in my arms. But strangely enough, it makes me enjoy every moment of pregnancy even more, having experienced the fragility of it too many times. If it can be over any moment, it's even more important to live in the 'now' and to enjoy what is now, as opposed to worrying about the future. So I am not really worried, but on the other hand, I still wonder whether I will be able to carry this pregnancy to term. Weird combo of feelings.

I baked more bread today, and have to try to think of something to eat for supper. My vegetable box will be here today, so I guess I'll wait and see what it contains. This is a CSA box (Community Supported Agriculture) It is wonderful. We paid a sum of money to a local farmer at the beginning of the summer, and in exchange, we are getting a weekly box full of fresh, organic vegetables, delivered to our house! I love it! It's always fun to see what's in it this week, and figure out the best recipes to use it all.

Urinary Frequency

I have found, that pregnancy makes me pee much more frequently. I swear I have peeing every 2 minutes, it seems. When I had to run to the bathroom to pee for the umpteenth time today, I told my 4yo how the baby made me pee more often. She thought for a few seconds and then said 'It's ok when the baby pees in your tummy, right? Because there is no bathroom in there!' I agreed that yes, it was ok for the baby to pee in my tummy. Then she came with 'And when the baby pees in your tummy, that makes you pee more!' LOL, yes, that must be it, it makes perfect sense :-)

Today I finished harvesting the potatoes!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!! That feels good! They are all washed now, and being cured! And tonight I am going to make potato leek soup, from our own potatoes, leeks, carrots, celery, and herbs! That will taste good! It will be accompanied by freshly baked honey/oats/whole wheat bread. Yummy!

I hiked to the beaver pond this morning. I find that once I enter the woods, a feeling of serenity descends on me. There is a sense of homecoming, a feeling of rightness. I love smelling the fresh woods smell, hearing all the nature sounds around me. And of course, seeing the wildlife makes things even better.

I didn't see as many birds today as I did last time. But I saw a winter wren, which I have never seen before. Very cute, very tiny, very special! I was glad I saw her. It was a magical morning anyway, because it was very foggy. There were lots of spiderwebs with drops on them, making them stand out in between the long grass stalks. And I almost couldn't see the other side of the beaver pond, which added to the feeling of magic too.

Exhausted!!!

I am so tired, I am going to keep this very, very short. This morning, I started the day with apple crisp. Or actually, I walked first, and then made apple crisp. Yummy! Later I made tomato sauce and apple sauce for canning. Tonight, the four little ones made pizza, well, I made the dough, but they did the rolling out, and the putting the tomato sauce and cheese on. They had a blast. The 2yo very carefully rolled out his pizza as thin as possible, then folded it all up, n and started all over again LOL

I felt like I was a bit less nauseated today, so was wondering yet again, but the way I am totally exhausted now makes me feel better! I am off to bed now, that is, if I can make it upstairs before collapsing! :-)

Farmer's Market

Today was farmer's market day!!! It is a pretty small farmer's market, but lots of great produce. And the people are very nice, both the ones who are selling, as well as the ones who are walking around at the market. I have made some good friends there.

Now I finally could pick up my sweet potatoes, so that I could make more of the roasted slices that I have been craving so badly. I picked up lots of other stuff, like peppers, zucchini, honey, and winter squash. The kids always have a blast, because they first get croissants or bagels, and after that it's either homemade ice cream or lemonade. They choose.

After the market, we went to our coop's harvest festival. It included a hay ride, which always is tons of fun for every one. It also had lots of free food and drink, it's always nice to sample all the different things they have. Usually there are quite a few animals too, but today there only was a baby water buffalo, and that was it. I was a bit disappointed that there weren't any more animals, but the kids didn't seem to mind.

At home, I froze the peppers, dealt with the 3,000 tomatoes that were still waiting to be canned, making them into a tomato sauce. OK, maybe there were a few less, but still a lot LOL. But for now, there are no more tomatoes waiting on my window sill! Of course, there still are quite a lot of green tomatoes on my plants, but I am ignoring them :-)

We lost two fish today :-( Not sure which ones, I can't really tell them apart. That means there still should be eight fish in the pond. I only saw five at the same time though, so at some point I was curious, and decided to do a sweep with the net on the bottom of the deep part, since you can't really see over there. After finding at least six very disgusting looking dead worms, yuck, I decided that I would just hope that the rest was ok, but did not want to dig for them!

But on the bright side, I found an aquarium at a garage sale! It came with pump, heater, and light, and I paid a total of $2 for all that. This will enable us to get the pond fish through the winter, since the pond is not deep enough for them to overwinter in. Now I just need to hope that we will have enough fish alive to be able to use it though the winter :-)

At supper, I finally could eat my sweet potato slices. We also had corn, and veggieburgers, but I did not feel like corn at all. I looked at it, and I just couldn't bring myself to eat it. It wasn't the corn, it was me. I guess not only have the food cravings started, but so did the aversions!

Still tired, I came home from farmer's market, and harvest festival, and was ready for a nap. Now if only I could have found time for one. Oh well :-)

Tired!

Today I was pretty tired and nauseated, which is a great sign. I still have my moments of doubt about this pregnancy, whether it really will work out, but the tiredness definitely does help. Although of course, I am also wondering whether I just imagine myself being tired, because I want so badly to be exhausted. I think the wondering never stops after so many miscarriages. I am tremendously enjoying this pregnancy, but at the same time I always know how fragile this can be, and how suddenly it can be over.

I even went to bed today! In the middle of the day, which is totally unlike me. I took a book to read, but I did snooze a bit too. I came upstairs, to fall down on my bed, and then discovered that everything was gone, all the sheets, the pillows, and the comforter, because somebody had peed on them last night... So much for laying down on bed LOL I made a makeshift bed from some other comforters and pillows that were laying around.

When I did my morning hike, to the beaver pond, I felt that I had to go uphill to get back home. I never have problems with that, so that was a bit of a surprise. The beaver pond was fun. I brought my binoculars, so that I could watch birds. Let's just say that I still have some room for improvement in my bird identification skills... I saw at least 30 birds, and I identified about 4 of them, got a better look at a few others, but wasn't sure what they were. I saw a whitebreasted nuthatch and some flycatchers, although I am still not sure what kind of flycatchers. Hmmm, maybe they actually were phoebes. Some day I'll be able to identify all those in the two seconds that I see them. But not yet :-)

Tomorrow will be the farmer's market, when I finally can buy more sweet potatoes. How I have been craving them!!!!!! I am drooling just thinking about them!!! At least I was at a friend's house tonight, were they had squash soup. It was close enough to pumpkin soup, and orange enough, that it did alleviate some of the craving, but not all LOL

Apple Picking

Yesterday, we went apple picking, always fun. We went together with a friend, and a great time was had by all. Although I was sitting in the grass, in the nice sunshine, and I just felt myself getting tired. I even started yawning, I think I must have yawned 10 times within 5 minutes or so. My friend must have thought that she was really boring me :-)

My friend wanted to buy donuts to go with the apples, and apple cider, but it turned out that they weren't selling donuts. We solved that by baking our own donuts when we came home. They were a huge success with the kids, even my most picky eater likes them.

In the afternoon, I spent some time sitting next to my pond, and watching the fish. I would like to know whether they all are doing well. I did see three frogs, and a total of 7 fish at one time. Of course that doesn't mean anything, all 10 could be ok. But I haven't seen Ugly-in-the-Pond for a while, wondering about him.

I really enjoy sitting next to the pond, and watching the pond life. There was a dragon fly who kept coming back to the pond, hovering over it, and landing on the rocks. I heard the sounds of crickets all around me. There was a squirrel chattering away in a nearby tree. Blue jays were making their customary blue jay noises, very loud. I was sitting, and relaxing, and felt myself almost falling asleep. Geez, I must have been very relaxed!! LOL

Later that day, I watched a friend's kids. This included my good luck charm baby, who was conceived after 2 years of trying to conceive, just as my little one is. I carried him around in the sling and sucked up his sweet baby vibes. He fell asleep almost immediately, I just love watching sleeping babies, so very adorable!

For dinner I HAD to have sweet potatoes slices, roasted with some salt, pepper, and garlic. Somebody had made them for the Ladies Night Out, and I got totally addicted to them! They were so good! And I couldn't stop thinking about them. Luckily I still had some sweet potatoes leftover from last week's farmer's market, so I could use those. They were so good, but still did not satisfy my craving. I am definitely going to buy more sweet potatoes tomorrow!

We harvested another water melon, a whole of almost 2.5 inches in diameter.... I was not totally sure whether it really would be a watermelon, after the last squash incident :-) But it was!!! An extremely cute, tiny, and ripe watermelon! Amazing!!! 4 Of the kids wanted a piece, so I ritually divided it in 4 pieces, and they eachm ate a whole quarter of a watermelon!!! :-)

Time to go to the chiropractor now, and then I want to bake some bread, we are low. Just boring whole wheat bread, nothing fancy :-) I also might make something with apples, since we picked quite a lot yesterday, but I haven't decided yet on what to bake.