Sadness

I will be seven weeks pregnant tomorrow, which is right when my other baby died. I have been thinking a lot about her the last few days, and have been sad all over again. I also worry about the current baby. The timing really makes me think 'what if' thoughts, even although I know I shouldn't.

Today, I was laying in bed and was thinking 'I wish there was a way to take a look and see whether the baby is ok' I know that there is ultrasound, but that's just something I do not want to use this time around, too stressful for me, and I just don't feel good about subjecting the baby to it. Suddenly I realized that there is a way to look inside and reassure myself. So I calmed myself down, put my hands on my tummy and reached inside myself. And realized that I fully believe that this baby is totally ok. There just is no way I could not believe that, and I do need no stupid ultrasound to confirm what I know already! :-)

So even although I am sad about my lost babies, at the same time I am thrilled about being pregnant again, and experiencing all the fun pregnancy symptoms like nausea, exhaustion, and cravings. Today I craved pineapple so badly, but not the canned stuff, real ones. I ended up eating some frozen, but we ran out too fast :-) I did grocery shopping this afternoon though, and got a real pineapple! Only to discover that my pineapple craving was totally gone by the time we came home LOL.

I dug out most of my tomato plants, since they were almost dead anyway. Harvested some red, and a bunch of green tomatoes. Found some more onions, garlic, and even a few potatoes too! And my other bed had quite some summer squash, so I ended up with quite a nice harvest. And a bout of exhaustion, so actually spent time in bed after that! I had to drag myself out to get the kids to karate and do the grocery shopping.

Dh did the cooking tonight, because I sure was not going to do it! And he is addicted enough to good food, that he was not letting a little thing like a tired wife stand in his way :-)

Oh, and Erik was totally fine again yesterday, it's amazing how fast kids recover. I am just hoping that the rest of the kids won't get the same thing.