Tuesday, September 30, 2003

SEVEN Weeks!!!!!!!!!!

Wow! That is over halfway the first trimester! I still feel very, very, very tired, and pretty nauseous. We decided to eat the pineapple for lunch today, most of the kids liked it. We do not eat fresh ones very often, so this was a treat. I got some of it, but most of it disappeared pretty fast. That was ok, my craving for it was gone anyway :-)

I had lots of visitors today, always fun. Of course, that meant that I didn't get to work on getting the house ready for my inlaws. Not that I would have worked on it otherwise, but hey, this is as good an excuse as any, right? LOL The thing is that they don't know yet that I am pregnant, so can't use that as an excuse for them. We want to tell them in person, but they first will see the sorry state the house is in before we will tell them. Oh well.... It's not good to stress out about this, right, better for the baby to just relax and ignore the housework :-)

my daffodills this year
Tonight, I got 3003 bulbs delivered to my house! Those are the bulbs you plant now, for beautiful flowers in the spring, tulips, daffodills, crocuses, and lots of others. We did a bulb coop with a bunch of friends, and I was the lucky coordinator who got them all delivered to my house :-) So only 755 of the bulbs are mine, the rest are for others. I will spend a lot of time digging holes over the next few weeks. Tomorrow I will start distributing the bulbs, I have a friend come over early to help me sort them all out. I love bulbs, the snow will cover them all, and they will be invisible, but I know they will send out their flowers after the snow melts. It feels like a kind of victory over winter!

Today Jane got Erik's illness I think. She had a very restless night, waking up every hour or so, complaining that her eyes hurt. She got up at 6:15am or so, had some breakfast and then fell right back asleep on the couch. She had a fever, but she did feel better at night when we made pizza (yes, with help of all the litttle ones again.. :-) I hope she will be over it tomorrow, Wednesdays are our busy days. Homeschool hike and gymnastics in the morning, karate in the afternoon. And I guess I should do some more cleaning too.

Today a good friend wrote to me 'Place your finger on the side of your neck and find your pulse. Every time you feel it throb, nutrients are being whooshed through the uterus to nourish your baby.' I love that image, and I have been doing it a lot since reading it. Very positive and powerful imaginery!

Monday, September 29, 2003


I will be seven weeks pregnant tomorrow, which is right when my other baby died. I have been thinking a lot about her the last few days, and have been sad all over again. I also worry about the current baby. The timing really makes me think 'what if' thoughts, even although I know I shouldn't.

Today, I was laying in bed and was thinking 'I wish there was a way to take a look and see whether the baby is ok' I know that there is ultrasound, but that's just something I do not want to use this time around, too stressful for me, and I just don't feel good about subjecting the baby to it. Suddenly I realized that there is a way to look inside and reassure myself. So I calmed myself down, put my hands on my tummy and reached inside myself. And realized that I fully believe that this baby is totally ok. There just is no way I could not believe that, and I do need no stupid ultrasound to confirm what I know already! :-)

So even although I am sad about my lost babies, at the same time I am thrilled about being pregnant again, and experiencing all the fun pregnancy symptoms like nausea, exhaustion, and cravings. Today I craved pineapple so badly, but not the canned stuff, real ones. I ended up eating some frozen, but we ran out too fast :-) I did grocery shopping this afternoon though, and got a real pineapple! Only to discover that my pineapple craving was totally gone by the time we came home LOL.

I dug out most of my tomato plants, since they were almost dead anyway. Harvested some red, and a bunch of green tomatoes. Found some more onions, garlic, and even a few potatoes too! And my other bed had quite some summer squash, so I ended up with quite a nice harvest. And a bout of exhaustion, so actually spent time in bed after that! I had to drag myself out to get the kids to karate and do the grocery shopping.

Dh did the cooking tonight, because I sure was not going to do it! And he is addicted enough to good food, that he was not letting a little thing like a tired wife stand in his way :-)

Oh, and Erik was totally fine again yesterday, it's amazing how fast kids recover. I am just hoping that the rest of the kids won't get the same thing.

Saturday, September 27, 2003

Beautiful Butterflies

Yesterday I was just too tired to write, but today I managed to write an update again. It was farmer's market day, but I didn't even feel like buying many veggies. So I decided to buy stuff that would keep, like sweet potatoes and onions. And I got some peppers to freeze, now I just need to find the energy to actually freeze them.

beautiful butterflyThis afternoon I was sitting in my front yard, just relaxing, and there were two beautiful butterflied who kept landing on some flowers. I finally couldn't stand it any more, and had to grab my camera. So I dragged my tired body inside, and found the camera. I got two pictures in or so, and then the butterflies just disappeared!!!! Geez! I was sitting there, with my camera, waiting, waiting, and they totally refused to come back. Oh well :-)

Erik is sick with a high fever. It was 104 earlier today, now it's only 103. And here I was wondering why he was falling asleep in the middle of the day. I knew when he woke up, burning hot. I hope it's just a one day thing. He doesn't have any other symptoms, just the high fever.

Yesterday, dh had his very first flying lesson. I gave him one for his birthday. He was a bit nervous, those are really small planes. But he did get to fly it, and did get to land it. Or at least, the instructor managed to give him the impression that he was landing it :-) I brought a picnic lunch and the kids and I watched his lesson and cheered him on. When he came out, I asked him how it was, and his first reply was 'Scary!!!' LOL

I have been craving a vegan variant of scalloped potatoes for days now. Today, I finally found enough energy to eat it. I enjoyed it, till suddenly the broccoli in it started tasting really bad to me, so the rest of the meal I spent trying to fish out the broccoli from my portion, like a picky kid LOLOL.

I am still pretty nauseous and very, very tired. I keep hoping that these are signs of a keeper pregnancy! The tiredness sure feels like a good sign!

Thursday, September 25, 2003

I Hope You Throw Up Tomorrow!

This is a well-meant wish I got from an acquaintance today :-) After I told her about all the miscarriages and how I am pregnant again, and how I really enjoy being sick, because it's a sign of a healthy pregnancy. It sounds weird, but I was very happy with it :-)

Today was homeschooler's day in our local science museum (The Montshire Museum) It was tons of fun, and I met tons of people that I know. The kids had a blast, and Tara got photographed by a reporter of a local newspaper, so maybe she'll end up in it. We'll see I guess :-)

I woke up this morning and felt totally fine! No nausea, no exhaustion, I immediately started worrying! Luckily I started feeling sick during my morning walk, phew! And tonight I did not feel like cooking at all, managed to feed the kids, then told dh he was on his own LOL. I am baking bread though, so he can have some of that once it's finished. I was so glad when I started feeling sick again. And I kept yawning while we were at the Montshire Museum, so I'll take that as a good sign too!

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

Knitting Lego Bricks

Tired, tired, tired, tired!!! I love it! :-) I was really sick this morning too, I still relish in all the physical signs of pregnancy. The sicker, the better! :-)

beaver pond in fogI did yet another hike to the beaver pond this morning, and finally remembered to bring my camera. I saw a cat bird, and warbler type bird, but I couldn't figure out which warbler it was. It was yellowish, I think it might have been a yellow warbler, but somehow it didn't seem yellow enough. I couldn't find any other pics in my bird book that matched it exactly either though, so who knows. It was fun to watch it, fly from branch to branch, and making little bird sounds.

I had to get back home in time though to get the kids to homeschool club, and the little ones to gymnastics. They did some drama thing. They all wrote down adjective, noun, and verb I think on pieces of paper, and then each group chose some paper to act out. They ended up acting out things like 'wet legobricks, knitting' and 'sticky zombies, running'. Or at least something like that, I am not sure, but they had tons of fun.

This afternoon, I went back to the vacuum cleaner store for the third time in about 10 days. My vacuum cleaner is broken, and they were supposed to get the right part in today... Guess what? They didn't! But they really really really were going to order the right one now LOL. Well, I guess I have a good excuse to not vacuum for a bit longer :-)

This morning I was extremely nauseous, and this afternoon I almost fell asleep sitting in a chair outside. I am taking these as good signs :-)

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

SIX Weeks!!!

Wow! I made it yet another week, how amazing!!! I am still extremely happy, and thoroughly enjoying my nausea, my tiredness, and yes, even my yeast infection! These just have to be signs of a healthy pregnancy! I just wish that this perfect and healthy pregnancy would go a bit faster!!!!! It just seems to be creeping by, I will breathe much easier once I am in the second trimester.

After all the miscarriages, I still find it really hard to believe that I actually will end up with a baby in my arms. But strangely enough, it makes me enjoy every moment of pregnancy even more, having experienced the fragility of it too many times. If it can be over any moment, it's even more important to live in the 'now' and to enjoy what is now, as opposed to worrying about the future. So I am not really worried, but on the other hand, I still wonder whether I will be able to carry this pregnancy to term. Weird combo of feelings.

I baked more bread today, and have to try to think of something to eat for supper. My vegetable box will be here today, so I guess I'll wait and see what it contains. This is a CSA box (Community Supported Agriculture) It is wonderful. We paid a sum of money to a local farmer at the beginning of the summer, and in exchange, we are getting a weekly box full of fresh, organic vegetables, delivered to our house! I love it! It's always fun to see what's in it this week, and figure out the best recipes to use it all.

Monday, September 22, 2003

spiderweb in fog

Urinary Frequency

I have found, that pregnancy makes me pee much more frequently. I swear I have peeing every 2 minutes, it seems. When I had to run to the bathroom to pee for the umpteenth time today, I told my 4yo how the baby made me pee more often. She thought for a few seconds and then said 'It's ok when the baby pees in your tummy, right? Because there is no bathroom in there!' I agreed that yes, it was ok for the baby to pee in my tummy. Then she came with 'And when the baby pees in your tummy, that makes you pee more!' LOL, yes, that must be it, it makes perfect sense :-)

Today I finished harvesting the potatoes!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!! That feels good! They are all washed now, and being cured! And tonight I am going to make potato leek soup, from our own potatoes, leeks, carrots, celery, and herbs! That will taste good! It will be accompanied by freshly baked honey/oats/whole wheat bread. Yummy!

I hiked to the beaver pond this morning. I find that once I enter the woods, a feeling of serenity descends on me. There is a sense of homecoming, a feeling of rightness. I love smelling the fresh woods smell, hearing all the nature sounds around me. And of course, seeing the wildlife makes things even better.

I didn't see as many birds today as I did last time. But I saw a winter wren, which I have never seen before. Very cute, very tiny, very special! I was glad I saw her. It was a magical morning anyway, because it was very foggy. There were lots of spiderwebs with drops on them, making them stand out in between the long grass stalks. And I almost couldn't see the other side of the beaver pond, which added to the feeling of magic too.

Sunday, September 21, 2003


I am so tired, I am going to keep this very, very short. This morning, I started the day with apple crisp. Or actually, I walked first, and then made apple crisp. Yummy! Later I made tomato sauce and apple sauce for canning. Tonight, the four little ones made pizza, well, I made the dough, but they did the rolling out, and the putting the tomato sauce and cheese on. They had a blast. The 2yo very carefully rolled out his pizza as thin as possible, then folded it all up, n and started all over again LOL

I felt like I was a bit less nauseated today, so was wondering yet again, but the way I am totally exhausted now makes me feel better! I am off to bed now, that is, if I can make it upstairs before collapsing! :-)

Saturday, September 20, 2003

Farmer's Market

Today was farmer's market day!!! It is a pretty small farmer's market, but lots of great produce. And the people are very nice, both the ones who are selling, as well as the ones who are walking around at the market. I have made some good friends there.

Now I finally could pick up my sweet potatoes, so that I could make more of the roasted slices that I have been craving so badly. I picked up lots of other stuff, like peppers, zucchini, honey, and winter squash. The kids always have a blast, because they first get croissants or bagels, and after that it's either homemade ice cream or lemonade. They choose.

After the market, we went to our coop's harvest festival. It included a hay ride, which always is tons of fun for every one. It also had lots of free food and drink, it's always nice to sample all the different things they have. Usually there are quite a few animals too, but today there only was a baby water buffalo, and that was it. I was a bit disappointed that there weren't any more animals, but the kids didn't seem to mind.

At home, I froze the peppers, dealt with the 3,000 tomatoes that were still waiting to be canned, making them into a tomato sauce. OK, maybe there were a few less, but still a lot LOL. But for now, there are no more tomatoes waiting on my window sill! Of course, there still are quite a lot of green tomatoes on my plants, but I am ignoring them :-)

We lost two fish today :-( Not sure which ones, I can't really tell them apart. That means there still should be eight fish in the pond. I only saw five at the same time though, so at some point I was curious, and decided to do a sweep with the net on the bottom of the deep part, since you can't really see over there. After finding at least six very disgusting looking dead worms, yuck, I decided that I would just hope that the rest was ok, but did not want to dig for them!

But on the bright side, I found an aquarium at a garage sale! It came with pump, heater, and light, and I paid a total of $2 for all that. This will enable us to get the pond fish through the winter, since the pond is not deep enough for them to overwinter in. Now I just need to hope that we will have enough fish alive to be able to use it though the winter :-)

At supper, I finally could eat my sweet potato slices. We also had corn, and veggieburgers, but I did not feel like corn at all. I looked at it, and I just couldn't bring myself to eat it. It wasn't the corn, it was me. I guess not only have the food cravings started, but so did the aversions!

Still tired, I came home from farmer's market, and harvest festival, and was ready for a nap. Now if only I could have found time for one. Oh well :-)


Today I was pretty tired and nauseated, which is a great sign. I still have my moments of doubt about this pregnancy, whether it really will work out, but the tiredness definitely does help. Although of course, I am also wondering whether I just imagine myself being tired, because I want so badly to be exhausted. I think the wondering never stops after so many miscarriages. I am tremendously enjoying this pregnancy, but at the same time I always know how fragile this can be, and how suddenly it can be over.

I even went to bed today! In the middle of the day, which is totally unlike me. I took a book to read, but I did snooze a bit too. I came upstairs, to fall down on my bed, and then discovered that everything was gone, all the sheets, the pillows, and the comforter, because somebody had peed on them last night... So much for laying down on bed LOL I made a makeshift bed from some other comforters and pillows that were laying around.

When I did my morning hike, to the beaver pond, I felt that I had to go uphill to get back home. I never have problems with that, so that was a bit of a surprise. The beaver pond was fun. I brought my binoculars, so that I could watch birds. Let's just say that I still have some room for improvement in my bird identification skills... I saw at least 30 birds, and I identified about 4 of them, got a better look at a few others, but wasn't sure what they were. I saw a whitebreasted nuthatch and some flycatchers, although I am still not sure what kind of flycatchers. Hmmm, maybe they actually were phoebes. Some day I'll be able to identify all those in the two seconds that I see them. But not yet :-)

Tomorrow will be the farmer's market, when I finally can buy more sweet potatoes. How I have been craving them!!!!!! I am drooling just thinking about them!!! At least I was at a friend's house tonight, were they had squash soup. It was close enough to pumpkin soup, and orange enough, that it did alleviate some of the craving, but not all LOL

Friday, September 19, 2003

Apple Picking

Yesterday, we went apple picking, always fun. We went together with a friend, and a great time was had by all. Although I was sitting in the grass, in the nice sunshine, and I just felt myself getting tired. I even started yawning, I think I must have yawned 10 times within 5 minutes or so. My friend must have thought that she was really boring me :-)

My friend wanted to buy donuts to go with the apples, and apple cider, but it turned out that they weren't selling donuts. We solved that by baking our own donuts when we came home. They were a huge success with the kids, even my most picky eater likes them.

One of our pond frogsIn the afternoon, I spent some time sitting next to my pond, and watching the fish. I would like to know whether they all are doing well. I did see three frogs, and a total of 7 fish at one time. Of course that doesn't mean anything, all 10 could be ok. But I haven't seen Ugly-in-the-Pond for a while, wondering about him.

I really enjoy sitting next to the pond, and watching the pond life. There was a dragon fly who kept coming back to the pond, hovering over it, and landing on the rocks. I heard the sounds of crickets all around me. There was a squirrel chattering away in a nearby tree. Blue jays were making their customary blue jay noises, very loud. I was sitting, and relaxing, and felt myself almost falling asleep. Geez, I must have been very relaxed!! LOL

Later that day, I watched a friend's kids. This included my good luck charm baby, who was conceived after 2 years of trying to conceive, just as my little one is. I carried him around in the sling and sucked up his sweet baby vibes. He fell asleep almost immediately, I just love watching sleeping babies, so very adorable!

For dinner I HAD to have sweet potatoes slices, roasted with some salt, pepper, and garlic. Somebody had made them for the Ladies Night Out, and I got totally addicted to them! They were so good! And I couldn't stop thinking about them. Luckily I still had some sweet potatoes leftover from last week's farmer's market, so I could use those. They were so good, but still did not satisfy my craving. I am definitely going to buy more sweet potatoes tomorrow!

We harvested another water melon, a whole of almost 2.5 inches in diameter.... I was not totally sure whether it really would be a watermelon, after the last squash incident :-) But it was!!! An extremely cute, tiny, and ripe watermelon! Amazing!!! 4 Of the kids wanted a piece, so I ritually divided it in 4 pieces, and they eachm ate a whole quarter of a watermelon!!! :-)

Time to go to the chiropractor now, and then I want to bake some bread, we are low. Just boring whole wheat bread, nothing fancy :-) I also might make something with apples, since we picked quite a lot yesterday, but I haven't decided yet on what to bake.

Thursday, September 18, 2003

Full day

I made it, I made it, I made it!!! I now, officially, am past 88 % of my miscarriage dates!! How amazing! How wonderful! I finally got my keeper! I am so happy, I still just can't stop smiling!

This morning I had to drop some kids off at a homeschool hike, then go to gymnastics with the others. It was the first time gymnastics for my 2yo son. His big sister was wearing a leotard, so he insisted on wearing a leotard too. Not only that, but it was a very pink, and very glittery one. He was so happy though, I tried talking him out of it, and then decided that it wasn't worth it and let him wear it. He got lots of compliments on his leotard, but I doubt most of those people realized that he is a boy LOL.

Came home, made tamari roasted almonds for our neighborhood's Ladies Night Out, and then we had to go out to karate. Came home yet again, baked an apple cake, and made supper, including a great Maroccan stew over couscous, with the watermelon that turned out to be a squash :-) Was very tasty! I made a lot, so I have some lunches and dinners left. I am trying to cook extras, so I have meals in the freezer when I don't feel like cooking anymore because of nausea and exhaustion, which should hopefully hit soon!

The fish seem to be doing well, some of them have been named already, but not all of them yet. I know we have a Pretty Princess, and we used to have a Poopie-in-the-Pond, but he died. He has been replaced by Ugly-in-the-Pond now....

The Ladies Night Out was great as usual, it's nice that we have people in our neighborhood who like organizing things like this. There was a 4.5mo baby, who I got to hold a lot. He was conceived after 2 years of trying to conceive, and he feels kind of like my good luck totem, since we were at the 2 years anniversary this cycle too. After the night out, I walked for half an hour with one of my friends. A nice relaxing end to a full day!

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

Our pond

FIVE weeks!!!!

Five weeks today!!!!!!!!!!!! When I make it till midnight tonight, I will be past 88 % of my miscarriage dates, whew! The later miscarriage was at 11.5 weeks, so it will be a while before I past that date. But that's ok, because I am nog going to miscarry this pregnancy anyway. This is my keeper baby!

I had two friends over today, always fun. The kids played together, we chatted together, and we admired the pond. The pond that came into being when digging yet another vegetable bed in June, and finding this huge rock. I finally got it out (OK, maybe dh did do the actually getting out :-) When the rock came out, I was left with this huge hole in my yard. I looked at it and thought that I could either fill it in again, or... I could make it into a pond!!!! The pond idea won :-)

We also decided to harvest one of the volunteer watermelons (sprouted from the compost pile). I was not totally sure whether they would be ready, they were still light colored. But they had been like that for a while, they sounded hollow, and they were yellow on the bottom. All signs that they could be ripe. So we harvested, took it into the kitchen, watched it, and got ready to do the first, ritual cut. Uggggg, it was HARD!!! Like cutting a rock!!! I started to doubt that it really could be ripe. I had my friend try, and she had a hard time too, but finally did get it cut.

Hmmmmmm, this does not look very watermelon-y..... Actually, it looks way more like some kind of squash! But hey, I was so sure that this was a watermelon? How could it have turned into a squash??? LOLOL. But that's ok. I still have another one outside, from a different plant, that's small, but dark green, and I am totally convinced that that one is a real water melon! Guess what happened? Yep, another squash LOL. Oh well, I scooped out the seeds, and roasted it in the oven, so I can make some Moroccan stew tomorrow.

Later today, we went to the pet store to get some new goldfish for the pond. A few weeks ago, we got six of them, but four of them died within the first few days :-( The other two have been doing great though, so I thought it was time to get new fish. We got eight of them today (luckily they are cheap :-) and released them in our pond. It was amazing how much our 'old' goldfish had grown already, they are a lot bigger than the new ones. It's fun to see all the pond life swimming around now. We have at least four frogs too, but they volunteered, didn't need a pet store to provide those :-)

Monday, September 15, 2003

Digging Potatoes

My potatoes!Today I spent a lot of time digging potatoes. This is the first year I am growing them, and I have been really enjoying it. It's kind of nice to see them sprout in the soil, instead of in my basement :-) Of course, I had totally overestimated how many potatoes I could grow in the space I had set aside for them. So I ended up digging two more potato beds in the spring, and then giving away the rest of the potatoes, because I was just so tired of planting them LOL .

I got a nice variety of potatoes, all kinds of colors. Blue, white, red. Some of them red inside too, others just red on the outside. This means that it is always a surprise which color potato I will dig up now. I have heard it compared to digging for gold, and that's how it feels. The excitement of finding yet another potato! Or yet another rock, which happens a lot too :-)

My oldest decided he wanted to eat french fries with all those cool potatoes. I told him to go for it, showed him how to wash and cut them (we have a french fries cutter) and he spent a few hours getting it all done. All the kids joined in with the cutting, it is fun to see the metamorphose of a potato to french fries.

Now it was my turn. I spent way more time than I really wanted frying them. That wouldn't have been too bad, if the kids hadn't come into the kitchen every 3 milliseconds to ask whether the potatoes were ready yet. But we did end up with a lot of delicious french fries, and even had enough to freeze for two other meals.

I can feel that my energy level is getting lower though, I was actually tired after digging, which I usually am not. I have to admit that I am really happy to feel that happening, all the miscarriages have really shaken my trust in my body, and feeling pregnancy symptoms develop do help me building it back up. The day after tomorrow, I will be past 88 % of my miscarriage dates! I can't wait!

Last year, I spent time digging out bushes to make room for blueberry plants. When I ended up having a miscarriage, one of my friends was saying to me 'You shouldn't have dug up those bushes, no wonder you had a miscarriage!' And here I am again, digging up potatoes, instead of laying around and resting. That's because I fully believe that miscarriages are not being caused by digging, or anything like that. If that was true, we wouldn't need abortion clinics, people could just go dig a hole! I think that a pregnancy either is all right, or it is not, and normal day to day living, including hard physical labor, is not going to change that. Actually, the digging is really good exercise for me, which has to be good for the baby too!

Sunday, September 14, 2003

One of our volunteer pumpkins

Pumpkins, Pumpkins Everywhere!

Pregnancy and cravings go together. But this is the first pregnancy that I have had a craving for pumpkin soup, of all things! Must be all those volunteer pumpkins growing in our lilac tree (don't ask :-)

Last Saturday, at the farmer's market, I got a good looking, organic pumpkin. It still took me till Wednesday to get around to making the soup though. It turned out really well, was very tasty, and satisfied my craving. So I froze three 2-person portions to eat some other day.

Of course, on Thursday, I figured out that the craving was not gone at all yet! I contemplated defrosting some soup, but figured that a 2-person portion might be too big for me. So I decided instead to buy another pumpkin at next Saturday's farmer's market.

On Saturday, I was desperate enough to buy TWO of them! And a baby one... Because Erik (2yo) was holding it and saying 'We have never had a baby pumpkin before!' I couldn't resist him :-)

Today, I got the soup made. Finally!!!!!!!!! Ended up with about two gallons of pumpkin soup. While I was cooking it, I felt the craving go away LOL. It still tasted good though, and this time I was smart enough to freeze a lot of 1-person portions too!

I also have had pumpkin dreams this week, although I have to admit that I have no idea at all what those pumpkins were doing in my dreams, but maybe they were the ones that caused my craving???