Monday, October 27, 2003

Getting Closer...

I am almost 11 weeks now and the 11.5wo miscarriage D-Day is getting closer. I find myself more irritated and more worried again. Will I make it? Every time I go to the bath room I hold my breath. Will there be blood this time? Am I feeling less nauseous? Am I having too much energy? Is the universe conspiring against me? If I was a nail biter, I wouldn't have any nails left right now.

Of course, I still am nauseous, and tired, and not eating much, but at the same time, I am thinking that maybe I am just still imagining it. It's amazing what a mindgames I can play with myself. And I think the only way I can get past them right now, is by getting past the 11.5 weeks mark. Some things only get solved by time, maybe I should just accept that I am worried right now and move on with my life.

I have been working on my writing to try to keep my mind occupied with other things. Not always working, but at least it does keep me busy, and gives me something else to obsess about. I even ordered a Writer's Market book at amazon yesterday, so I have some more ideas of where to send queries and articles. I feel good about doing this, even if I am not going to have anything published, at least I know that I tried!

Made blueberry muffins with the kids today, Jane really really wanted to make them. They turned out well, almost all of them are gone already. And yesterday I actually cooked again for the first time in ages. Just a simple veggie soup, and dh did all the cutting, but still! Of course, that was another reason for me to worry. Is it a bad sign if I cook a meal? LOL Tonight we are going to eat leftovers from our chinese takeout and I'll have dh reheat them. Much less to worry about that way :-)

Kate's new dresser has been installed, she is happy about it now. It gave me an opportunity to go through all her clothes and move on the ones that were too small. Although Tara ended up doing most of that, she was a lot of help. The neutral things went to Erik, the girlish things went on a stack for the new baby. And now Kate can change her clothes without her dresser drawers collapsing! Wow!

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