Friday, October 31, 2003


Always a fun holiday for the kids. We spent the day getting ready, finishing costumes in the morning, carving pumpkins in the afternoon. The kids were very excited about it all, and couldn't wait to go trick or treating.

We ate an early supper, with a lot of protein, to try to have some good stuff in them before the candy attack hit :-) Then it was time for Costumes! Cees had decided to go as Link, a Nintendo game character. He made the costume mostly by himself, with a tiny bit of help from me. Tim had a hard time deciding on a costume, and finally just got whatever he could find out of the costume box, ending up as a magical sergeant - knight! It involved a wizard robe, armor and a wig... Tara was a butterfly, something she had decided on weeks ago, so that was easy.Well, apart from when one wing broke two minutes before we had to leave! Duct tape to the rescue!!!!!!!! Jane was a flower, with a costume mostly made by her and Tara. It looked very homemade, but they were extremely proud of their accomplishments :-) Kate was an angel, including a shiny halo. Erik was supposed to be a bunny, then a bat, but at the last moment ended up as a kitty. They all were happy with their costumes and very ready to go.

We made it around one big block and about halfway both Tim and Kate started to fall apart. At the end, Kate was even saying 'I don't want any more candy!!!' but she still went up to the doors to get some LOL Erik insisted on being carried till we were close to a house, and then he would walk the last five yards or so. After collecting his candy, it was back to 'Papa, I need to be carried! I am too cold/tired/freezing' Actually it wasn't cold at all. It was one of the warmest Halloweens in my memory, usually we seem to have snow or freezing rain, brrrrrrrrr!

At home, everybody sat down at the table and ate ate ate from their candy. I let them eat as much as they want, with the idea that this will help to get through the stack a lot faster and in fewer sittings. It seems to work well. All the candy tends to be gone within a few days. And since we usually don't eat much candy, it makes Halloween extra special that they can eat as much as they want.

I am still nauseous, and tired, and not looking forward to tomorrow's milestone of losing one of my babies. It is hard to imagine that I made it this far with one of those doomed pregnancies, and still lost the baby. I want to think of a good way to commemorate my lost baby tomorrow, but I haven't figured out yet how. Somehow I have been dreading that day so much, that I haven't actually thought any practical thoughts yet.

So one more day of waiting, wondering, and worrying. One more day of almost being there, but not totally yet. One more day of feeling in limbo. One more day of hoping that history does not repeat itself. I feel that after tomorrow, a whole new era in my pregnancy will start, an era in which I have never miscarried this far along yet. An era of renewed hope and cautiously thinking that maybe I will end up with a live baby this time!

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