Baby Sweater

One of the things I found in the basement was a baby sweater I was knitting. A baby sweater I started when I was pregnant with Tara. Yes, I do realize she is ten years old now, and it might not fit anymore.

I never finished this sweater before she was born, but I had high hopes I could do it afterwards. Yeah right, three kids and a full time job didn't leave much knitting time. But luckily I was pregnant again and could use it for the next baby...

My goal for this sweater kept being pushed forwards to yet another baby, but I never actually knitted anything at it after Tara was born. At some point I was joking I could use it for my grandkids.

I found this half finished sweater in the basement and held it in my hands for a while. I looked at it and envisioned all the dreams I had had for this sweater. The feeling of accomplishment I would have had when my baby would wear this awfully cute sweater. We both would be better persons if only I had finished this sweater.

Then my perception switched and I realized that love and accomplishment is not about this sweater. That this sweater actually had been sucking my energy, just by being there, unfinished, always invoking a slight feeling of guilt in me. That it had been taking up precious space in my basement, my life and my soul, without giving anything back.

And I knew it was ok to let go of this sweater. The fact that I hadn't knit one stitch on it in the last ten years, clued me in to the possibility that I wouldn't knit anything on it in the next ten years either. I sighed, and dropped it in the thrash bag, not even wanting to try to find a 'deserving owner' for it. I just let go and felt myself getting a tiny bit lighter. I did not live up to my expectations, but the world didn't explode.

This sweater seemed symbolic for a lot of things in my basement and my life. I do not have to hold on to every item, every object, every unfinished dream. I can let go and will be ok, or even enlightened. Amazing how much insight can be hidden in an old unfinished baby sweater.