SEVEN Weeks!!!!!!!!!!

Wow! That is over halfway the first trimester! I still feel very, very, very tired, and pretty nauseous. We decided to eat the pineapple for lunch today, most of the kids liked it. We do not eat fresh ones very often, so this was a treat. I got some of it, but most of it disappeared pretty fast. That was ok, my craving for it was gone anyway :-)

I had lots of visitors today, always fun. Of course, that meant that I didn't get to work on getting the house ready for my inlaws. Not that I would have worked on it otherwise, but hey, this is as good an excuse as any, right? LOL The thing is that they don't know yet that I am pregnant, so can't use that as an excuse for them. We want to tell them in person, but they first will see the sorry state the house is in before we will tell them. Oh well.... It's not good to stress out about this, right, better for the baby to just relax and ignore the housework :-)


Tonight, I got 3003 bulbs delivered to my house! Those are the bulbs you plant now, for beautiful flowers in the spring, tulips, daffodills, crocuses, and lots of others. We did a bulb coop with a bunch of friends, and I was the lucky coordinator who got them all delivered to my house :-) So only 755 of the bulbs are mine, the rest are for others. I will spend a lot of time digging holes over the next few weeks. Tomorrow I will start distributing the bulbs, I have a friend come over early to help me sort them all out. I love bulbs, the snow will cover them all, and they will be invisible, but I know they will send out their flowers after the snow melts. It feels like a kind of victory over winter!

Today Jane got Erik's illness I think. She had a very restless night, waking up every hour or so, complaining that her eyes hurt. She got up at 6:15am or so, had some breakfast and then fell right back asleep on the couch. She had a fever, but she did feel better at night when we made pizza (yes, with help of all the litttle ones again.. :-) I hope she will be over it tomorrow, Wednesdays are our busy days. Homeschool hike and gymnastics in the morning, karate in the afternoon. And I guess I should do some more cleaning too.

Today a good friend wrote to me 'Place your finger on the side of your neck and find your pulse. Every time you feel it throb, nutrients are being whooshed through the uterus to nourish your baby.' I love that image, and I have been doing it a lot since reading it. Very positive and powerful imaginery!

Sadness

I will be seven weeks pregnant tomorrow, which is right when my other baby died. I have been thinking a lot about her the last few days, and have been sad all over again. I also worry about the current baby. The timing really makes me think 'what if' thoughts, even although I know I shouldn't.

Today, I was laying in bed and was thinking 'I wish there was a way to take a look and see whether the baby is ok' I know that there is ultrasound, but that's just something I do not want to use this time around, too stressful for me, and I just don't feel good about subjecting the baby to it. Suddenly I realized that there is a way to look inside and reassure myself. So I calmed myself down, put my hands on my tummy and reached inside myself. And realized that I fully believe that this baby is totally ok. There just is no way I could not believe that, and I do need no stupid ultrasound to confirm what I know already! :-)

So even although I am sad about my lost babies, at the same time I am thrilled about being pregnant again, and experiencing all the fun pregnancy symptoms like nausea, exhaustion, and cravings. Today I craved pineapple so badly, but not the canned stuff, real ones. I ended up eating some frozen, but we ran out too fast :-) I did grocery shopping this afternoon though, and got a real pineapple! Only to discover that my pineapple craving was totally gone by the time we came home LOL.

I dug out most of my tomato plants, since they were almost dead anyway. Harvested some red, and a bunch of green tomatoes. Found some more onions, garlic, and even a few potatoes too! And my other bed had quite some summer squash, so I ended up with quite a nice harvest. And a bout of exhaustion, so actually spent time in bed after that! I had to drag myself out to get the kids to karate and do the grocery shopping.

Dh did the cooking tonight, because I sure was not going to do it! And he is addicted enough to good food, that he was not letting a little thing like a tired wife stand in his way :-)

Oh, and Erik was totally fine again yesterday, it's amazing how fast kids recover. I am just hoping that the rest of the kids won't get the same thing.

Beautiful Butterflies

Yesterday I was just too tired to write, but today I managed to write an update again. It was farmer's market day, but I didn't even feel like buying many veggies. So I decided to buy stuff that would keep, like sweet potatoes and onions. And I got some peppers to freeze, now I just need to find the energy to actually freeze them.

This afternoon I was sitting in my front yard, just relaxing, and there were two beautiful butterflied who kept landing on some flowers. I finally couldn't stand it any more, and had to grab my camera. So I dragged my tired body inside, and found the camera. I got two pictures in or so, and then the butterflies just disappeared!!!! Geez! I was sitting there, with my camera, waiting, waiting, and they totally refused to come back. Oh well :-)

Erik is sick with a high fever. It was 104 earlier today, now it's only 103. And here I was wondering why he was falling asleep in the middle of the day. I knew when he woke up, burning hot. I hope it's just a one day thing. He doesn't have any other symptoms, just the high fever.

Yesterday, dh had his very first flying lesson. I gave him one for his birthday. He was a bit nervous, those are really small planes. But he did get to fly it, and did get to land it. Or at least, the instructor managed to give him the impression that he was landing it :-) I brought a picnic lunch and the kids and I watched his lesson and cheered him on. When he came out, I asked him how it was, and his first reply was 'Scary!!!' LOL

I have been craving a vegan variant of scalloped potatoes for days now. Today, I finally found enough energy to eat it. I enjoyed it, till suddenly the broccoli in it started tasting really bad to me, so the rest of the meal I spent trying to fish out the broccoli from my portion, like a picky kid LOLOL.

I am still pretty nauseous and very, very tired. I keep hoping that these are signs of a keeper pregnancy! The tiredness sure feels like a good sign!

I Hope You Throw Up Tomorrow!

This is a well-meant wish I got from an acquaintance today :-) After I told her about all the miscarriages and how I am pregnant again, and how I really enjoy being sick, because it's a sign of a healthy pregnancy. It sounds weird, but I was very happy with it :-)

Today was homeschooler's day in our local science museum (The Montshire Museum) It was tons of fun, and I met tons of people that I know. The kids had a blast, and Tara got photographed by a reporter of a local newspaper, so maybe she'll end up in it. We'll see I guess :-)

I woke up this morning and felt totally fine! No nausea, no exhaustion, I immediately started worrying! Luckily I started feeling sick during my morning walk, phew! And tonight I did not feel like cooking at all, managed to feed the kids, then told dh he was on his own LOL. I am baking bread though, so he can have some of that once it's finished. I was so glad when I started feeling sick again. And I kept yawning while we were at the Montshire Museum, so I'll take that as a good sign too!

Knitting Lego Bricks

Tired, tired, tired, tired!!! I love it! :-) I was really sick this morning too, I still relish in all the physical signs of pregnancy. The sicker, the better! :-)

I did yet another hike to the beaver pond this morning, and finally remembered to bring my camera. I saw a cat bird, and warbler type bird, but I couldn't figure out which warbler it was. It was yellowish, I think it might have been a yellow warbler, but somehow it didn't seem yellow enough. I couldn't find any other pics in my bird book that matched it exactly either though, so who knows. It was fun to watch it, fly from branch to branch, and making little bird sounds.

I had to get back home in time though to get the kids to homeschool club, and the little ones to gymnastics. They did some drama thing. They all wrote down adjective, noun, and verb I think on pieces of paper, and then each group chose some paper to act out. They ended up acting out things like 'wet legobricks, knitting' and 'sticky zombies, running'. Or at least something like that, I am not sure, but they had tons of fun.

This afternoon, I went back to the vacuum cleaner store for the third time in about 10 days. My vacuum cleaner is broken, and they were supposed to get the right part in today... Guess what? They didn't! But they really really really were going to order the right one now LOL. Well, I guess I have a good excuse to not vacuum for a bit longer :-)

This morning I was extremely nauseous, and this afternoon I almost fell asleep sitting in a chair outside. I am taking these as good signs :-)

SIX Weeks!!!

Wow! I made it yet another week, how amazing!!! I am still extremely happy, and thoroughly enjoying my nausea, my tiredness, and yes, even my yeast infection! These just have to be signs of a healthy pregnancy! I just wish that this perfect and healthy pregnancy would go a bit faster!!!!! It just seems to be creeping by, I will breathe much easier once I am in the second trimester.

After all the miscarriages, I still find it really hard to believe that I actually will end up with a baby in my arms. But strangely enough, it makes me enjoy every moment of pregnancy even more, having experienced the fragility of it too many times. If it can be over any moment, it's even more important to live in the 'now' and to enjoy what is now, as opposed to worrying about the future. So I am not really worried, but on the other hand, I still wonder whether I will be able to carry this pregnancy to term. Weird combo of feelings.

I baked more bread today, and have to try to think of something to eat for supper. My vegetable box will be here today, so I guess I'll wait and see what it contains. This is a CSA box (Community Supported Agriculture) It is wonderful. We paid a sum of money to a local farmer at the beginning of the summer, and in exchange, we are getting a weekly box full of fresh, organic vegetables, delivered to our house! I love it! It's always fun to see what's in it this week, and figure out the best recipes to use it all.

Urinary Frequency

I have found, that pregnancy makes me pee much more frequently. I swear I have peeing every 2 minutes, it seems. When I had to run to the bathroom to pee for the umpteenth time today, I told my 4yo how the baby made me pee more often. She thought for a few seconds and then said 'It's ok when the baby pees in your tummy, right? Because there is no bathroom in there!' I agreed that yes, it was ok for the baby to pee in my tummy. Then she came with 'And when the baby pees in your tummy, that makes you pee more!' LOL, yes, that must be it, it makes perfect sense :-)

Today I finished harvesting the potatoes!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!! That feels good! They are all washed now, and being cured! And tonight I am going to make potato leek soup, from our own potatoes, leeks, carrots, celery, and herbs! That will taste good! It will be accompanied by freshly baked honey/oats/whole wheat bread. Yummy!

I hiked to the beaver pond this morning. I find that once I enter the woods, a feeling of serenity descends on me. There is a sense of homecoming, a feeling of rightness. I love smelling the fresh woods smell, hearing all the nature sounds around me. And of course, seeing the wildlife makes things even better.

I didn't see as many birds today as I did last time. But I saw a winter wren, which I have never seen before. Very cute, very tiny, very special! I was glad I saw her. It was a magical morning anyway, because it was very foggy. There were lots of spiderwebs with drops on them, making them stand out in between the long grass stalks. And I almost couldn't see the other side of the beaver pond, which added to the feeling of magic too.

Exhausted!!!

I am so tired, I am going to keep this very, very short. This morning, I started the day with apple crisp. Or actually, I walked first, and then made apple crisp. Yummy! Later I made tomato sauce and apple sauce for canning. Tonight, the four little ones made pizza, well, I made the dough, but they did the rolling out, and the putting the tomato sauce and cheese on. They had a blast. The 2yo very carefully rolled out his pizza as thin as possible, then folded it all up, n and started all over again LOL

I felt like I was a bit less nauseated today, so was wondering yet again, but the way I am totally exhausted now makes me feel better! I am off to bed now, that is, if I can make it upstairs before collapsing! :-)

Farmer's Market

Today was farmer's market day!!! It is a pretty small farmer's market, but lots of great produce. And the people are very nice, both the ones who are selling, as well as the ones who are walking around at the market. I have made some good friends there.

Now I finally could pick up my sweet potatoes, so that I could make more of the roasted slices that I have been craving so badly. I picked up lots of other stuff, like peppers, zucchini, honey, and winter squash. The kids always have a blast, because they first get croissants or bagels, and after that it's either homemade ice cream or lemonade. They choose.

After the market, we went to our coop's harvest festival. It included a hay ride, which always is tons of fun for every one. It also had lots of free food and drink, it's always nice to sample all the different things they have. Usually there are quite a few animals too, but today there only was a baby water buffalo, and that was it. I was a bit disappointed that there weren't any more animals, but the kids didn't seem to mind.

At home, I froze the peppers, dealt with the 3,000 tomatoes that were still waiting to be canned, making them into a tomato sauce. OK, maybe there were a few less, but still a lot LOL. But for now, there are no more tomatoes waiting on my window sill! Of course, there still are quite a lot of green tomatoes on my plants, but I am ignoring them :-)

We lost two fish today :-( Not sure which ones, I can't really tell them apart. That means there still should be eight fish in the pond. I only saw five at the same time though, so at some point I was curious, and decided to do a sweep with the net on the bottom of the deep part, since you can't really see over there. After finding at least six very disgusting looking dead worms, yuck, I decided that I would just hope that the rest was ok, but did not want to dig for them!

But on the bright side, I found an aquarium at a garage sale! It came with pump, heater, and light, and I paid a total of $2 for all that. This will enable us to get the pond fish through the winter, since the pond is not deep enough for them to overwinter in. Now I just need to hope that we will have enough fish alive to be able to use it though the winter :-)

At supper, I finally could eat my sweet potato slices. We also had corn, and veggieburgers, but I did not feel like corn at all. I looked at it, and I just couldn't bring myself to eat it. It wasn't the corn, it was me. I guess not only have the food cravings started, but so did the aversions!

Still tired, I came home from farmer's market, and harvest festival, and was ready for a nap. Now if only I could have found time for one. Oh well :-)

Tired!

Today I was pretty tired and nauseated, which is a great sign. I still have my moments of doubt about this pregnancy, whether it really will work out, but the tiredness definitely does help. Although of course, I am also wondering whether I just imagine myself being tired, because I want so badly to be exhausted. I think the wondering never stops after so many miscarriages. I am tremendously enjoying this pregnancy, but at the same time I always know how fragile this can be, and how suddenly it can be over.

I even went to bed today! In the middle of the day, which is totally unlike me. I took a book to read, but I did snooze a bit too. I came upstairs, to fall down on my bed, and then discovered that everything was gone, all the sheets, the pillows, and the comforter, because somebody had peed on them last night... So much for laying down on bed LOL I made a makeshift bed from some other comforters and pillows that were laying around.

When I did my morning hike, to the beaver pond, I felt that I had to go uphill to get back home. I never have problems with that, so that was a bit of a surprise. The beaver pond was fun. I brought my binoculars, so that I could watch birds. Let's just say that I still have some room for improvement in my bird identification skills... I saw at least 30 birds, and I identified about 4 of them, got a better look at a few others, but wasn't sure what they were. I saw a whitebreasted nuthatch and some flycatchers, although I am still not sure what kind of flycatchers. Hmmm, maybe they actually were phoebes. Some day I'll be able to identify all those in the two seconds that I see them. But not yet :-)

Tomorrow will be the farmer's market, when I finally can buy more sweet potatoes. How I have been craving them!!!!!! I am drooling just thinking about them!!! At least I was at a friend's house tonight, were they had squash soup. It was close enough to pumpkin soup, and orange enough, that it did alleviate some of the craving, but not all LOL